We Are Truly Alive When Our Demons Start To Show
by FredAndGeorgeForever
Summary: Lily is nothing more than a normal SHIELD agent with a wish. One day that wish come's true but she didn't know that so many demons from her past would awaken. Steve has just awoken from the ice and needs someone to trust what else would Fury do than trust one of his most loyal agents and let her take care of Steve while he needs help in this new century what will he do to save her?
1. Just A Little Bit Of Trouble

Lily was born into a loving and wealthy family. She was a child that if she wanted something she could get it because her parents made more than enough money to ensure her happiness. But Lily only ever had one wish. Most of the children that wanted something just went to their parents and directly asked for it. There were also children that dropped little hints so they didn't have to ask. But Lily was neither of those types of children she could be placed in the other category the one where you kept it a secret. Most of those children belonged to poor parents and didn't dare to ask because they knew they couldn't afford it, but Lily wasn't poor. She had always been a shy child which was why she didn't have that many friends but she kept this wish a secret because of another reason, she knew she could never get it, all of this began on a cloudy Tuesday morning.  
It was summer and at last she had vacation. But it wasn't just a normal Tuesday it was her birthday, her 7th to be more specific. Because she didn't want a birthday party with friends -which she barely had – so her father offered to go with her to the cinema, watching that action movie that she really wanted to see. Afterwards her father had a special surprise.

''Where are we going dad?'' I asked him with as much sweetness as I could, I'd never been that good in waiting when people said they had a surprise for me.

''You'll see but I know you're going to love it,'' he said with a smile on his face. After walking and walking for what seemed like hours we finally reached our destination.

''What is this dad?'' you asked him while I stared at what was inside. He paid for the tickets first and when we walked inside he finally answered.

''This my love is a museum, not just any sort of museum it's about someone who saved our town many years ago before you were born and before even I was born.'' He said while we walked towards a group with a tour guide.

''And here we see Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America, he crashed his plane to save humanity but since that day there has never been any sign of him.'' after the woman said missing something clicked inside my head. Of course, he was the man that was described in my history book for saving everyone in America. But how could it that he went missing? They should've found a body a long time ago if he died, shouldn't they? The smile on your face went bigger with the second and when your dad looked down he knew he made this day a perfect day for you.

When you walked further and you saw some of the costumes that the people had been wearing your eyes went as big as saucers because you just couldn't believe it, you stood right in front of a costume that Captain America one day had been wearing. This was officially the best day of your life, and it changed you, for the better.

-{ 19 Years Later }-

Your alarm clock went off and I knew which day it was, it was my day off but that didn't mean that I could just stay in bed for as long as I wanted to, I had a lot to do which I really didn't like. I had to go shopping for clothes – which I really hate – and a weeks' worth of groceries, needed to go buy some tools so I could finally fix the sink and many more things where on my to do list, so while it meant I didn't need to go to work I still had to work my ass off otherwise nothing would get done and hopefully at the end of the day I could take a relaxing bad and just lie there until the water gets cold.

Every day always started with chaos which always had a reason I didn't want to think about when I was still too tired from yesterday – when I needed to work in late -. Some cereal and some water later I was trying to fix my hair, put on my clothes and drove away from home at ten in the morning. The last week had been really exciting at work and especially yesterday had been a real adventure, so that was why I was really disappointed that I took this day off, but how could I've known that this would've happened, nobody with their right minds would've thought this day would come. The day that we finally found Steve Rogers aka Captain America. They found him in the Ice and when they finally brought him -inside the ice- back to base you thought he would be dead when the ice would've melted but no one had expected him to still be alive, to have a beating heart and that all his organs were still functioning. It was definitely a miracle, one that I had been praying for since my 7th birthday.

The morning was quite serene and I was almost done with those awful clothes when I walked close by S.H.I.E.L.D. and saw the one and only Steve Rogers running outside, totally freaked out. I knew I shouldn't but with all my shopping bags already in my car, I ran after him when you were an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. you really never had a day off because when the need would arise they would still need you. So running I did -like a pro- and almost got to him when he stopped in front of Fury. Deep inside my head, I knew Fury would take care of this but I really wanted to see this. So I stood within the circle, the other agents helping so no one else would come close while Fury talked to Steve.

''You've been asleep Cap, for almost 70 years.'' When Fury said those words there was a little pang of guilt inside me because here he was a man that had just missed so many years of his life but still was the same age and looked exactly like he did when he saved us.

''You gonna be Okay?'' Fury asked after he looked so lost, seeing things he had never seen before, looking like a child that didn't know what to do.

''Yeah, yeah I just….. I had a date.'' The way he looked when he said that made me feel 10 years younger when I looked into the mirror and saw those eyes every day. You could only imagine what he felt like but it came very close to the feeling I had for so many years and they were not exactly good then.

''Cap, maybe we should go back inside, we can talk and you can eat or drink something.'' Fury said to him when he noticed it would be too much for one day.

''Yeah…yeah just… I'd like to walk.'' He said quietly while he took in the world around him.

''Alright agent Tenn walk with him, and I want you to go home afterward it's your day off. '' Fury said sternly to me. While the S.H.I.E.L.D. cars disappeared with Fury inside one I saw Cap relax a bit.

''I'm Lily Tenn,'' I said while I shook hands with him.

''Steve Rogers but you'd probably already knew that ma'am.'' He said while I started to walk with him. I didn't even have to look at where I was walking because I could even find my way when blindfolded.

''So what happened inside?'' I asked as if I knew what I was talking about but honestly had no idea what had happened that made him run away.

''I've no idea I freaked out thought Hydra got me and that game on the radio I knew that one already so I sensed something was wrong they were just so vague.'' He told me.

''Thought we abduct you? We're not like that you know. Well, only the bad guys maybe but you're not a bad guy are you Mr. Rogers?'' I said a bit playfully to him. I really didn't know what to make of it.

''Please no Mr. just Steve.'' He quickly answered.

''Well to assure you I told them it was the wrong game but they wouldn't listen to me, so I agree with you that it would've looked weird especially when you flee out of the room and find agents in suits and all that, but you don't have to be afraid we're here to help you.'' I elbowed him in his side just for fun but I should've known better because next thing he's behind me and so is your left arm and it really really hurts.

''Calm down Auch please it was just for fun, I apologize Auch.'' Some tears escaped my left eye, just the thought that I could've prevented this is enough to make me sad. I've been trained for this more than ones but I wasn't thinking about battle when I did it, it was my free day for god's sake. When he heard my apology he gave me my arm back and it hurt even more than when it was behind my back.

''Auch that really hurts,'' I said quietly while you're trying to remain calm.

''Sorry ma'am I thought you were trying to attack me.'' He said while walking further and only looking at the people around him – who to him were wearing very weird clothes – and seemed a bit confused.

''At the moment there is no one that wants your dead body so that would mean that you can do what you want until there is someone that wants you death which is probably going to happen when word comes out that Captain America is alive. Sorry if I make you uncomfortable or scared but that's just something that was always told at S.H.I.E.L.D. not a big deal at the moment.'' I said nonchalantly. A few steps and we were at S.H.I.E.L.D. and I didn't like it one bit because honestly I wanted to spend some more time with him but that wouldn't happen if Fury was there – which he probably was -.

''So what exactly are you again?'' he asked me when we walked back into S.H.I.E.L.D.

''Agent, bit multi-functional actually I'm fantastic with a bow and arrow and also with a gun but if I want to I can easily punch the life out of you and my gymnastics are really good,'' I said, it was actually the same sentence I said to every agent that asked and I didn't know if he understood it but he would find out soon enough.

''We'll just walk back to your temporary room if you don't mind. There isn't really another place for you yet but we're working at it.'' I said with a smile on my face. I couldn't really tell him but I liked it very much that he was walking next to me.

''Yeah sure.'' He said confused. When we finally reached his 'room' I sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to mine.

''Come sit down and we'll talk, is there anything you want? Something to eat or drink?'' I asked him while he sat down and he looked like he was in pain.

''No, just… well, some water would be good.'' I walked back out of his 'room' and came back with two glasses of water.

''is there something, anything you want to ask? Maybe some questions about this world?'' I said while I saw his eyes rest on the radio which you quickly turned off.

''Why are we here? What happened?'' he asked.

''Well we are here because we found you. You where frozen inside an ice block and we took you here so we could melt you and actually give you a proper funeral but then we found out that your heart was still beating and you were alright well actually more than alright so we put up this room and let you sleep and like Fury said we just wanted to break the news to you slowly, it's a bit much waking up in a completely other time and not knowing what is going on.'' I saw his look like he just wanted to get out of here, wanted to die and go back to the people that he loved. I understood, oh I understood more than he could imagine and somewhere deep inside I still wanted too just like Cap but I swore to myself I would never do that. I would make my parents proud of me.

''Hey everything's going to be alright don't worry like I said we're not going to kill you.'' I smiled a little until I heard someone call my name, well not just someone it was my nephew that called me.

''Lily, you alright?'' he said while he stepped through the ruins that were created before I came here, his bow in his hand and his arrows on his back. He could be so overprotective, but of course, I knew that he had reason enough to.

''I'm more than alright Clint, nothing wrong I'm just helping out,'' I said to him but I immediately saw that he wasn't convinced and stepped further into the room.

''Is this man bothering you, ma'am?'' Steve asked when he saw that I got uncomfortable.

''Ma'am? What are you talking about? Her name is Lily.'' He said a little too loud which for a moment made me afraid that Steve would freak out and attack him. I saw Steve stand up, his muscles tightened and this was the moment I decided it was enough. I stood up and quickly stood between the two boys that were raging with testosterone.

''That's enough boys. Take a deep breath, Clint I'll handle this and you walk out of this room, I'll call you later.'' When I saw that Clint slowly walked away and disappeared from the room.

''Come on nothing wrong just sit down drink something and we'll talk further,'' I said while I practically pushed him onto the bed.

''Who was that?'' he asked when he sat down.

''My nephew Clint who's also known as Hawkeye. He's sort of the last family I have so when he found out that I was his family he became very protective of me, sort of like an older brother but… worse… definitely worse. He's checking up on me every day. Gets a bit much but I do understand him.''

''Alright so what about you take a rest and I'm going to check up with him? I'll get you something to eat, do you like a cheeseburger?'' I asked him.

''Uhm… I don't know.'' He said and took another sip of his water.

''Alright you stay here and I'll go check Clint and afterward get us a cheeseburger. Don't go away I trust you so if you're not here when I come back I may not be so friendly alright.'' I tried to tell him with my eyes that I really meant it but I wasn't so sure if he would understand that but that didn't matter at the moment. All that mattered was that I needed to go speak with Clint before they would kill each other.

 **A/N: so like other stories I waited until I'm almost finished with the story and let me tell I already have 17 finished chapter so I thought let's publish chapter one, the other I only have to edit and I'm almost finished with the whole story.**

 **I hope you enjoy this and please leave a comment :D**

 **XXX**

 **FredAndGeorgeForever**


	2. New Friends And Secrets

-{ 5 Years Ago }-

My head was pounding with an oncoming headache. Life could be so cruel when you'd least expect it. I had been so happy the last few days. I have a proper job and I met someone that could make me happy, I knew I should've seen it coming. I should've kept them at home but I knew that even If I did that things would've become worse. And now it was too late. Too late to tell them that I loved them, too late to tell them how much I appreciated it that they helped me, too late to ask them questions that had been raging through my head for years. Tears were falling down my cheek and my vision had become a little cloudy but that didn't matter. Arrow after arrow found their target, each arrow I shot hit the bull's eye. With every arrow, my anger got worse. They left me and now I am here all alone to do everything. Even while I found out – through a friend of my aunts – the number of my nephew so maybe he could help me but alas I rang the number for at least 50 times but every time I got his voicemail.

''Lily….Lily…LILY!'' after the third time I finally heard my boss calling my name so after the last arrow hit its spot I turned around and saw my boss with a man that I didn't know but looked vaguely familiar.

''This man here wants to speak to you, said it was important.'' He said and afterward immediately went back to his office.

''Lily it was right? Can we go somewhere to talk?'' he asked politely but that didn't change anything, I could only feel my anger increase.

''No here is perfect. Who are you exactly?'' I put down my bow and leaned against the wall nearby and awaited his answer.

''Well you called me at least a dozen times so I thought it would be better if we met in person.'' He said a bit nervous, maybe he thought I would punch him in the face. Well if I wanted to I would still do it but I wasn't really in the mood so he was lucky.

''So you're Clint?'' I asked him, I didn't even know what he looked like because I could never find any pictures of him.

''Yeah what's wrong? I heard the voicemail it didn't sound so good.''

''Well let's start at the beginning I'm your niece nice to meet you too after 21 years. And second not that you would ever notice but your parents just died yesterday.'' At first, he looked a bit confused because of my sarcastic tone but at the end, I saw something on his face that could only be compared to shock.

''I didn't know I had a niece, let alone an aunt or uncle.'' He began like that was more important than that his parents died.

''Serious your parents just died and you're doubting my existence if you don't believe me call this number and you'll get in touch with the mortician,'' I said to him while I gave him a paper with the correct number and went back to the archery contest I started with myself.

-{ Present Day }-

''Clint you motherfucking bastard come here or I'll get you fired,'' I screamed through the training room where I knew he was hiding. Within a few seconds, I saw his face pop up from behind a punching ball.

''You have much to explain, you know I can defend myself you know you don't need to start a fight with a man that just woke up from his almost 70 years of slumber and is as confused as hell.'' You screamed at him. At that moment it didn't matter who heard it just mattered that the message went through that thick skull of his.

''Oh no you don't'' I said when he started to run away from me and I caught his ear so he jerked back and had to face me because rotating his ear was far more painful than most of the people thought.

''Why, give me one reason you thought it was a good idea to start a fight with him?'' I asked him like I was his mother or even better a wife who was really mad at him.

''Auch stop it.'' he pleaded.

''Oh no the mighty Hawkeye is going nowhere until I get some answers,'' I said threatening his whole existence.

''Auch just thought Auch you needed some help Auch fuck don't break my ear.'' I just blinked a bit but he knew it wasn't a good enough answer.

''Can be arranged,'' I said before turning his arm around so that it was behind his back which was really more painful than his ear and funnier if it would break because he needed that arm if he wanted to keep his job.

''Alright fuck let go of my arm, I didn't trust fuck him alright. You know I'm protective of you shit and I just didn't want to lose you.'' He finally answered so I let his arm go.

''From now on only do it when I really need help alright,'' I said before walking away. I had hurt him enough for one day. So I decided that I could pick up a few burgers and be back within half an hour.

When I finally returned a little later than I wanted I quickly went upstairs towards the place I promised to meet Steve and got more than a bit angry when there was no sign of Steve.

''Elly, have you seen Captain America?'' I asked quickly when she saw me standing there.

''Yeah Fury wanted to speak with him and you know how Fury is if I was you I should just wait here.'' She knew, of course, she knew that I made a promise with Steve but at the same time I also made a promise with Fury – one that I had no intention of keeping right know – so I just sat down on the bed with the burgers next to me. I was a little bored, to be honest, and the burgers became colder with the minute. So that wasn't that good but what the hack officially I should've never even been here today.

An hour later I was lying on the bed with ice-cold burgers next to me when Steve finally walked back into the room. He was blushing a little, just a little bit when he saw me lying there with an annoyed expression on my face, I was more than a bit pissed off.

''remember that promise? Well, you really don't know how to keep them do you?'' I said annoyed when I sat up straight and wanted to start walking out of the half-destroyed wall when he stopped me and turned me around. The grip he had on my arm was more than a bit painful but in my training, I learned that pain came after finishing the fight, so that would be something for when I was alone.

''keep your hands off of me,'' I said angrily and threw his hand off of my arm with more force than I knew I had.

''Sit.'' He said with a voice full of authority which didn't really work on me.

''Sit down yourself I'm not your dog.'' In my eyes, he could see little flames that gave away my anger.

''ma'am… ma'am… Lily… please come sit down I can explain.'' He said calmly. I knew his explanation and I knew it wasn't his fault but when I got angry you had to look out. So still angry I again sat down next to him on the bed.

''I'm sorry ma'am bu-''

''My name is Lily not ma'am so please call me by my name.'' I cut him off and honestly, I got a bit desperate why didn't he just call me Lily like almost every other citizen of New York.

''Lily, Fury needed to speak with me about a place to stay.'' I knew Fury had to speak with him but about a place to stay that I didn't know, why would Fury do something that others could easily do for him, or maybe Fury wanted to gain some trust.

''Alright go on.''

''So he said I could stay here one more night and that tomorrow he would find a place for me to stay, but that could be a while because he needed to go somewhere that was more important so that this would be my temporary home for a while. I'm sorry if I made you angry but that was not my intention ma'am, sorry old habits die hard. '' by the time he stopped talking I had managed to calm down a bit and it was more than enough for me so that I could think clearly again.

''It's alright I just get angry sometimes because when I make promises I intend to keep those promises,'' I said while starting to get a bit ashamed.

''Well I do have a question I heard someone say that he had to go Dutch what should I think about that?'' he asked seriously.

''Well you obviously just walked past Elloise, she's always complaining about that, it means that when you're on a date you pay for your own food.'' I simply told him, it was going to be really hard for him to live in this new but also same world I could just tell. When he saw the paper sack on the bed he started to look a bit funny.

''What's in the sack?'' he asked.

''Well that where our burgers but I don't know about you but I don't really like ice cold burgers, we could go to the canteen and warm them up but to be honest, they taste better when they just came off the grill, afterward we could come back here?'' I asked as if it was the simplest thing in the world. He just nodded and looked a bit unsure. But now I think about it he probably doesn't even know what a microwave is.

''Come on I'll show you,'' I said and in one hand I took the bag and in the other his hand and dragged him with me. When we reached the canteen I saw that there were a lot of people so the thought of staying here to eat them flew out of your mind immediately. I showed him how it was done and let him even do it once before we went back to his room with a steaming plate of cheeseburgers. I'd never before had to microwave them so I really didn't know if the taste would be different – some say they taste like a dry sponge - but it was worth a try. So with the plate of burgers in between us, we sat on the bed and talked a bit.

''So what was your life like?'' I asked him in between bites.

''I don't know like any other grown-up I think, I wasn't that special.'' He answered.

''Not special? Look what you are talking about, you've become Captain America how can you not be special?'' I said a little too enthusiastically.

''It's not like I really asked for this attention, all I wanted was to fight for my country and marry the girl of my dreams.''

''Alright I'll give you that,'' I answered quietly but before I could think about another question he already had his own ready.

''What was your life like? Anything special? Like the things you loved to do?'' He asked curiously.

''Well there were three things I loved to do more than anything in the world when I was younger. The first one I'm too embarrassed to tell, the second was gymnastics and the third archery. At archery I was quite good, top of the school and they tried to push me multiple times to compete but I was too afraid so I always refused. At gymnastics I found out later I was also quite good, not the best but I was the master of the rings and the champion of the balance beam. Here I did compete and the first time I won a gold medal for both components. When I was 14 my room hang full of medals and cups. I even saw myself on tv multiple times I was the new shiny thing that they liked, I was meant to do great things and win America some gold medals in the Olympics. But then life found it's way to change that. When I was 15 my parents drove me to another gymnastics competition because it was too far away for me to go alone. And there.. there…'' tears slipped out of my eyes when I thought back about what happened that unfortunate day.

''My father drove and I and my mother was making fun when out of nowhere a man stood on the abandoned road and started to shoot at us. I was in the backseat, only shot in my shoulder and leg, but my parents… my parents they were shot through the head and hart, multiple times. I.. I… their brains lay through the car and their blood covered my face. They were of course instantly dead. But I came very close to death that day, the bullets where poisoned so when the paramedics finally came it was almost too late for me. I survived obviously but life got only worse after that, I stopped with gymnastics and disappeared from the radar. I came in some sort of other world for a year I almost never left my aunts and uncles place, I felt like that it was my fault that my parents died so I swore that day that I would never compete again. Because if I never started it then they wouldn't have died that day. I spent my time reading books and comics and on a good day, I sometimes watched a movie. After a year my aunt thought it was quite enough and started to homeschool me, So when I graduated I spent all my free time at the archery building. A year later they offered me a job to teach people so at 20 years old my days were filled with archery and I loved every minute of it, I loved it more than anything in the world. Then at 21 years old, I met Clint my nephew at the archery building after his parents, my aunt and uncle died. I was really impressed when one day he told me I was super good and eventually we also became friends but we sort of lost contact because he was almost always at work. Exactly a year after his parents died he found me at the archery building again and he came with the man you just met Fury and offered me a job. After some thought I accepted thought It would be a good job to make my parents proud and here I am now.'' I told him. The tears slid down my cheeks and it felt good to finally tell someone about this. It had been a long time since I thought about that moment.

''So you got anything to tell?'' I asked him, after all, I told him, more than most of the people knew about me.

''No nothing to tell really everything there is to know about me everyone already knows.''

''That's not true everyone has secrets, I for one was diagnosed with depression at my 15th and battled with it for 4 years only my aunt and uncle knew, had some relapses but otherwise it's going very good now. And my first summer job was at your museum they told me I was an impressive tour guide but it has changed so much since, there's no need for tour guide's anymore.''

''I have a museum?'' he asked flabbergasted  
''Yeah it's a very impressive one, one day you'll see it mark my words,'' I said with more confidence than I actually had on that moment.

"So go on tell me a secret just you and me, S.H.I.E.L.D. Doesn't have to know,'' I whispered to him because I know the walls have ears.

 **A/N: Had a shitty day so I thought what the fuck why not update :D**

 **Please leave a comment!**

 **XXX**

 **FredAndGeorgeForever**


	3. Disasters And Family

-{ 5 Years Ago }-

''Aunt, Uncle please don't go.'' I pleaded with them. It was night and the weather wasn't exactly that good.

''Lily you know we have to if we stay here and await an ambulance things can become worse than if we go ourselves.'' I knew why they had to, of course, I knew but it was pouring rain and I could hear and see the thunder every few seconds. It wasn't like I was afraid of the thunder or afraid of being home alone, but I was afraid that something would happen if they went to the hospital. From here to the main road they first had to drive across a street that wasn't asphalted which meant that it would be slippery as hell and the chance they would lose control of the car was almost for a 100% guaranteed.

''You know we need to go, Lily, we'll call you when we're at the hospital and please whatever you do don't go outside. We don't want to lose you too.'' Aunt Molly said. On her face, I saw that there wouldn't be another way. There was only this one and she wouldn't change her plan, only if it wasn't needed to go there anymore, fat chance that would happen. So like the brave girl I had become I helped my aunt bring my uncle in the car and waved them goodbye until I couldn't see the car anymore, then I walked back inside and locked the door. Not knowing what to do – because my plans where just ruined – I just walked along the bookcase and picked the first book I could find and afterward lay down on the couch where I would read until they would come back. The house phone lay next to me on the couch so I had easy access to it. I waited and waited and got a little anxious because they should've already called. Two hours later the phone was finally ringing. So I picked up the phone and cheerfully greeted my aunt, only to be greeted by someone from the hospital.

''Is this Mrs. Tenn I'm speaking with?'' she asked me very formally.

''Well Mrs. Tenn is death but this is her daughter. '' I cruelly answered. I knew something was wrong from the moment I heard the woman talk. I checked once and twice even trice but on the phone stood the hospital number.

''That's who I'm seeking, I'm calling because your aunt and uncle were just admitted in the hospital, they were found in the water with their car, they think they slipped and crashed into it. it would be wise to come as quickly as you can to the hospital.'' The woman said but I knew she said more but my ears just went deaf. This was what I warned them for, this was why I didn't want them to go on their own. This was why after all this time I found it difficult to love someone because there was always something that took them away from me. Death would never rest before it had taken every person that you loved.

-{ Present Day }-

Steve was staring at me like I had just committed suicide. Was it so weird to ask someone to tell me a secret, I think even while I was much younger and I had at least one friend we told each other secrets we never told to another person?

''Steve something wrong?'' I asked him while he was just staring at the blank space before him. I waved my hand up and down before his eyes but he didn't give a kick. So I just continued eating my last burger until he finally came back to earth with his thoughts.

''Sorry it's just, I was a bit shocked I barely know you and you tell me your secrets like they mean nothing to you.'' He said matter of factly. I just rolled your eyes and repeated what I said before.

''I trust you Steve, every bone in my body tells me that I can trust you for 100%. That's what people do if you trust one another you tell each other about your life and spill your secrets and to be honest I haven't done that in a long while. Clint doesn't even know half of those things.'' I said with a smile on my face.

''Well now I do.'' I heard Clint scream from the distant, and I groaned because even while I threated his life he still thought I needed someone to babysit me.

''Clint go away before I rip off your throat,'' I said angrily but just stayed on the bed to proof that I could indeed stay calm and reason with myself.

''Can't do lit-'' he began.

''I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you. Just go before Steve wants to kill you again and I won't stop him this time you know. '' I heard silent footsteps and thought he finally walked away so to be sure that he'd gone I walked through the destroyed wall and saw no one anymore – not even on the ceiling - so, for now, it was safe.

''Did you have any annoying family Steve?'' I asked him while I walked towards him again, this time trying to stay calm and not hunt Clint down and punch the life out of him. I could be calm, of course like any living human being on earth I could be calm but when angered it was very easy for me to lose control. And Clint had been the source for this anger more times than you could count on your hands.

''No not really, I loved my family. My parents…. They died way too soon.'' He said and I could see the sadness in his eyes. Was it even possible for him to cry because… well not everyone cried when they thought about their dead parents but most of them would wipe away the tears, or blink so many times to prevent the tears of leaking out of their eyes.

We talked some more about everyday life when he was alive and how it was now when the time came that I had to actually go home if I'd worked, but I hadn't so it felt a little weird to be here on my free day.

''You know, maybe we can ask Fury if you can sleep in my house, you know… we know each other a little bit now and I'd think It would be more comfortable than being here all on your own. Just a thought you know.'' I said nervously, playing with my fingers and trying not to look at him.

''Sounds like…well… I haven't got a clue what to say but I'll say yes.'' He finally answered, so with all my dignity - still intact - and Steve I walked into Fury's office when I saw that he was all alone and told him about my plan.

''I'd really rather not agent Tenn.'' He said with his bossy voice.

''I know the consequences Fury so don't get worried too quick. I know every rule and wouldn't dare to break one and wouldn't keep him there if he didn't want it himself so I'll ask you this again can Steve sleep over at my place until you find him his own apartment.'' I said quite seriously because I was a bit sick of how he always needed to spoil the fun.

''Alright, but tomorrow you take the day off, I'll pay you for today but tomorrow you stay at home. Understood?''

''Yes sir,'' I said with a little salute. It wasn't like I wanted to make fun of him but sometimes he could be so stuck up.

''Come on Steve,'' I said before he could give me more rules to follow. When we stood outside Fury's office I took Steve's hand and dragged him behind me with a big smile on my face, on our way down we passed multiple of my colleges and even saw Clint – who didn't look so happy to see me with him – but ignored him and just went further. It was some time before we finally reached my car and unlocked it before I saw what was behind the front window. Of course… I'd been so long inside that I hadn't thought about the parking meter. Stupid but for everything, there had to be a first.

''You sit there I'll drive,'' Steve said like a gentleman, but little did he know that I wouldn't let him do that.

''What about you go sit there and I'll drive home. Have you ever thought about how much cars have changed since your time or that you have no freaking idea where the heck I live?'' I said to him with a big smile on my face and I had to do my freaking best not to laugh at him when I saw how he looked when I said that.

''See, I've really no idea how to talk to a woman.'' He said quietly to himself, but I didn't think that he thought I could hear it so I just pretended like I didn't hear it and secretly already used it as blackmail for when the need would arise.

He sat quietly in the passenger seat the whole way to the house and at one moment I didn't like the silence that much anymore so I put on the radio so we had at least something to listen to. But of course Steve didn't know any of these songs so I switched to a channel that played older music -mostly jazz - and maybe there would be something that he'd remember from his well… his old life, I couldn't really call it something else because that life was in the past and now he was in the future when everything was different from when he was a kid.

''So still, nothing to tell?'' I asked him while I drove into the street where I lived.

''Not really no,'' he said while he looked out of the window. Boys… they would always be the same, Clint was just like him when I asked him about such things.

''Well here's my house so if you decide you want to come in you'd be welcome to stay,'' I said while I parked in front of my house. It felt good to be home, even while it was for a few hours I always missed it. I turned off the car and engine and stepped out of the car and went to collect the shopping bags from the trunk.

''Home sweet home,'' I said out loud just before I put my key in the lock. I felt a presence behind me so obviously Steve had stepped out, so from there you locked the car and stepped inside the house and dropped the bags. I hung up my coat and before I was even in the living room a little person had wrapped itself around my leg.

''Hello to you too,'' I said to my daughter while I tried to reach the couch so I could take her in my arms.

''Ang I'm home,'' I shouted because I didn't know where she was. Ang was my sort of nanny. She wasn't around all the time because when I was home, she would go home. It was the only solution because of the hours I had to work and the not knowing when I needed to work longer or when I needed to go on a mission.

''I'll take that as my cue, shall I?'' she screamed from probably upstairs. When she stood in the living room she was a bit shocked that I had taken someone with me, let alone a man.

''Who's this piece of meat?'' she whispered in my ear.

''This is my friend Steve and he just moved back to New York I offered him a place to sleep until he can go into his apartment,'' I said matter of factly. It wasn't like I was lying but I wasn't exactly speaking the whole truth either. But she didn't have to know that, as far as she knew I'm working for the police.

''Alright if you say so.'' She smiled like a Cheshire cat when she slowly walked out of the room.

''Oh yeah I've got tomorrow off so you don't have to come over, I've got it handled,'' I yelled at her just before she closed the door and was gone. From the corner of my eye, I could see Steve standing quite still and looking shocked at me.

''Nothing wrong Steve just come sit down wherever you want to,'' I told him smiling when I looked back at my daughter.

''Sweetie this is Steve, he's going to stay with us for a while I want you to say hi to him,'' I said to her while I tried to get her out of her shell.

''Hi Mr. Steve.'' She said quietly. Lola – my daughter – had always been shy around people she didn't know but when eventually she opened up her shell she would be so enthusiastic that it looked like she had eaten too much sugar. I saw Steve look a bit distant at me.

''Hello, and your name is?'' he asked her while I set her down next to me on the couch.

''Lola.'' She whispered.

''Sweetie I got you some new clothes, would you like to try them on?'' I asked her because I knew that she would immediately say no. she really didn't like clothes that much. She accepted that she had to wear them but shopping was a disaster because she always refused to try something on so I much rather deal with the tantrum at home. I saw that she was getting angry so I tried my new trick.

''Not even the new princess dress I bought for you?'' I asked her because I knew that she would immediately hop from the couch and run towards her new dress. She always loved to dress like a princess and liked to imagine that she was one herself. I saw her smile and within a minute she was gone from the living room.

''Say the magic word and she's gone,'' I said laughing.

''So you never told me you had a daughter, where's your husband?'' he asked me as if it was very normal that I would have a husband but times had changed and so had the way humans thought about marriage.

''I don't have one,'' I said quickly because I didn't want Lola to hear this conversation.

''Don't? But then how do you have a daughter? Is she even yours?'' he asked, but those questions where quite offensive and I tried to count to ten so I wouldn't get mad in front of Lola.

''Yes she's mine, and I think you and I both know how babies are made Steve,'' I told him a bit rude and walked away to watch how my daughter was doing.

 **Hello again, I wanted to update earlier but a lot of crazy things have happened the last few days so here is the chapter maybe a bit late.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	4. New Demons To Show

-{ 4 Years Ago }-

''Shit Shit Shit Shit…. Clint, it hurts so much.'' I was weeping at this moment because of the pain from labor. I couldn't do it anymore I decided, I just couldn't it hurts way too much for this to become a special moment.

''Shhhh it's going to be alright Lily, everything's going to be alright. Just keep in mind that when all this is over you have a wonderful little girl in your arms. Remember the love you can give to her. Auch Shit Lily don't pinch this hard.'' I had gotten hold of his hand half an hour ago when he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. I'd been in this room for a solid 10 hours and the pain was killing me, but I had decided against any painkillers because what if it affected the baby. I'd much rather go through this pain than do something that could alter her life – and not in a good way – so I grind my teeth and got a red face all sweaty and tried not to scream out loud just so I could protect her, but I decided now that I would never do this ever again. No sex and no pregnancy. One child would be enough.

''Nurse, isn't there something you can do for her?'' Clint asked when a nurse came inside to check how far along I was.

''No Ms. Tenn has declined everything that could relieve the pain, the only thing that's going to work is getting this baby out of her.'' She said while she put on some gloves and sat down on her chair. Hospital gown up and there she went looking at my vagina and doing whatever she liked to just to see how far along I was.

''Well well well, this seems promising,'' she started with what I imagined was an evil tone, but at that moment I thought everyone was evil especially the one that knocked me up!

''You're fully dilated so we just have to wait for the doctor and then we can start pushing, isn't that wonderful news.'' She said with that big smile on her face while I just wanted to punch it off of her because getting the baby out would be more painful than if it would stay inside of me.

When the doctor finally arrived an hour too late, I could start pushing and it felt like hours before I heard the first cry of my newborn daughter. And then even while I felt the pain my view of the world changed and I could only think about her when she was placed on my breast, bloody and all, naked for the whole world to see. The only thing I could think about was that this had been it, this was why I hadn't aborted her, she was the reason my world just became more cheerful even while I had lost the most important people in my life a long time ago.

-{ Present Day }-

When I reached the hall I saw the new clothes I had just bought spread over the ground and I cursed myself that I hadn't thought about it when I came inside. This happened the last time and the time before that and every time I cursed myself for not thinking about it. She had looked for her princess dress and everything that came in between her and the dress didn't matter to her. So silently I put all the clothes back into the shopping bags and brought them upstairs where I took a moment to calm down. This hadn't happened for such a long time, I hadn't lost control of myself since Lola was born and it hurt that it still seemed so easy to just let loose. I sat there on the bed with my hands on my eyes like a lost person when I felt someone sit down next to me, I had hoped it would be Steve who apologized for his behavior but when I felt a set of little hands on my right arm I took my hands away from my eyes and looked into the glistering brown eyes of my daughter.

''Why are you sad mommy?'' she asked, on the verge of tears herself. Every time I was on the verge of tears and she saw me she would start to cry herself, sometimes we were too much alike and it pained me that if I was on the point of breaking down that she joined me.

''It's nothing sweetie, just a sad memory. How's your new dress?'' I said to her so she would become happy again.

''I love it mommy thank you soooo much.'' She said while she stood up on the bed and tried to kiss my face with her sloppy kisses.

''Everything for my princess,'' I told her while I took her in my arms and carried her downstairs, ready to face the music again. At this moment I really would've liked it if Clint was here, but he had his own problems to solve so I wouldn't ask too much of him. He had solved too many problems of mine already so I had to start and solve them myself. When I walked down the stairs there was no sign of Steve in the living so I thought that he just went to the loo when I saw him sitting outside.

''Why don't you go watch some telly, mommy will be outside for a little while,'' I told her while I set her down and walked outside, so I could face the music I started.

''What are you doing outside?'' I asked from the doorpost, trying to act cool. I saw him look up with sorrow all over his face.

''Lily…. I'm so sorry, it's just tha-'' he started to say but I interrupted him.

''I know that in your time people married before they had children but now it doesn't go that way anymore. I haven't asked for it to go this way, but I don't regret what happened. She's my world so suck it up and live with it.'' I said and went to sit down next to him on the bench and took a quick peek at what Lola was doing inside.

''I'm sorry.'' He said again and I started to get a bit annoyed about the constant sorry this sorry that.

''It's alright, I get this more than you think there are constantly people who ask where my husband or boyfriend is, so I've gotten used to it but you just… it's been a long day and many things have happened, I'm just tired.'' I explained to him while I stared towards the clouds that were forming figures.

''So can I do something for you?'' he asked nervously while he looked at me.

''Be yourself and be nice to my kid. If you're not then I throw you on the street and don't think I couldn't because I'm stronger than you think. '' I said sternly and I could see him swallow out of fear but I didn't care, this is my house and my rules so anyone who is here would have to follow them.

''So what about clothes?'' I asked him while I stood up and gave him a hand.

''What about them?'' he asked, not really understanding the question.

''Well you need a new set of clothes, I've got something for you for now but I've got no idea if they fit,'' I said to him while I dragged him inside.

''Mommy's upstairs, don't do anything stupid,'' I shouted from the stairs to my daughter. I could hear her hum and the tv show she was watching was completely innocent but I couldn't just switch off my concerns for my daughter. I walked well… more dragged Steve behind me towards my aunt and uncles room. After they died I bought their house – with the money I inherited - and ever since I let their room be the same as it was before they died because the house had more than enough room for ten people to live in. I opened the room I hadn't been in since their funeral and had to swallow hard as to not drown in my grief again because this time I really couldn't afford it.

''Those where my uncles, they're the only male clothes I have so you'll have to do.'' I gave him a set of PJ's and clothes and walked out of the room again. A little further down the hall was the guest room where he would be sleeping so I – again – dragged him behind me and showed him his temporary room, across from it was a bathroom so it was quite easy to find the way.

''Here's your room if you ever need anything my room has a heart on the door so it's easy to find, and whatever you do don't go inside the room with a princess poster because I will punch the living hell out of you if you enter that room without my or her permission, you got it?'' he nodded and I left the room to let him get adjusted to it.

''I'll be downstairs I've got lasagna for dinner so if you don't like it you can go to a shop and buy some dinner for yourself,'' I said a little threatening to him and just walked downstairs without saying another thing. I had to laugh a bit because the super soldier I had spent so many years dreaming off and was the mightiest being I could ever imagine was now living under your roof and hell of a lot scared of you right now. It was really funny but I had to hold in my laughter because I didn't want him to hear it, I just smiled and went towards the kitchen to put the – already half finished – lasagna in the oven and wait for it to be done. I went towards the living room where I was met with a tv that hadn't been put off and an empty space. I got quite anxious because she had never gone anywhere without telling me, first I went outside but she wasn't there so I went towards the loo but nothing so I went upstairs only to find her huddled up with Steve. It was the most incredibly cute thing I had ever seen. my girl who was always afraid of people was huddled up with a guy she had just met even Clint she hadn't trusted until she saw him practically every day and I even kept saying it was her uncle, it had taken time like any other person so I was quite flabbergasted that I saw this happen out of nowhere. I slowly walked towards them and could hear them talk quietly.

''Mommy never brings down a guy only uncle Clint but he's family so he doesn't count.'' I heard her say and It was actually quite sweet.

''Well… I can't say anything about that but maybe your mother has a reason for not bringing down a guy, maybe she loves you too much so there isn't any place for her to love someone else.'' He said seriously to her.

''But mommy must love someone, she must've loved my dad otherwise I wouldn't have been here.'' She whispered and I couldn't really take it. My sweet girl who always told me that it didn't matter that she didn't have a dad just sort of confessed that she wanted one and I felt the tears run down my cheek.

''Mommy must have loved your daddy very much that's for sure, but you know that you don't need a dad to be happy do you?'' he asked while she was playing with her red curls.

''Yes and I have a friend and you know she has two mommies, she doesn't know her daddy as well and we're the best of friends.'' She proudly told him.

''That's good as long as you know that mommy loves you very much.'' He told her with a smile on his face. I wiped away my tears and thought this was more than enough sadness for today so I stepped in.

''Who does mommy love very much?'' I asked them with an unknowing look on my face. When Lola saw me she first got afraid and then I saw her emotion change to happiness and started to spring on the bed and I just hoped that she wouldn't break something if she fell off.

''Me…Me…Me.'' She cheered with her thumb in her mouth. I saw it happen before my eyes, she jumped and came down but her left feet slipped and I knew I would be too late even if I tried so while I started to curse myself I didn't see that Steve came to the rescue. His quick moves helped him pick up my daughter before she could fall off the bed and for a moment he was my hero. I saw that Lola wasn't even afraid and probably hadn't even known what would've happened if Steve hadn't caught her.

'' Thank you,'' I said while I took over Lola from his arms and sat down with her on the bed next to Steve. The rest of the evening went by pretty quick, we ate the lasagna – which tasted heavenly – and eventually put Lola to bed after much struggling from her side because she wanted to play with her new friend. Steve had been really nice to her and played with her princess castle while I did the dishes, so when it was finally time for me to relax before I had to go to bed I was blessed that I had someone to talk to.

''So can I ask you a question?'' he said while I walked from the kitchen to the living with some Coca-Cola for both.

''Sure, ask away, nothing offensive though.'' I gave him his glass and he thanked me before asking his question.

''What happened? You know… with Lola and such.'' It was a weird question but I did understand what he was asking.

''I was stupid, I just lost my aunt and uncle and I hadn't yet met Clint so I went to a bar that night, decided to get drunk and met a guy he asked me out on a date and I said yes and I was so stupid to go to bed with him that night while I was too drunk to even think straight. I left the next morning and never saw the guy again. And then a month later I found out I was pregnant. I don't even know the guy's name so there's not even a chance for me to tell him. Can be that he told me but that I was already too wasted. It was my first and my last time, I can't believe that he was my first kiss and he wasn't even good at it. '' I said with disgust in my voice. When I thought back to that time I always thought about the stupid decisions I made and the grief that took over my mind. The relapse I had and the times I wanted to kill myself when I found out.

 **So I survived my first school weeks -yet again- and completely forget about this while I was searching for a new phone.**

 **I hope you like it and leave a review :D**

 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	5. Good Memories, Bad Memories

-{ 5 Years Ago }-

''Hello soldier.'' I heard the stranger call me.

''I'm no soldier.'' I just said because I really didn't want company right now.

''Well what are you then beautiful stranger.'' He said in a charming way. I really had no idea if he was flirting or that he was just trying to make conversation because I really hadn't ever flirted with anyone.

''Lily,'' I simply said while I downed another drink. How my liver managed to process this stuff I had no idea because it was just disgusting, but it was the quickest way to get drunk that was for sure.

''Can I get you another drink?'' the stranger asked but before I could answer he already went to the bartender and got back with another drink which I downed – again – as quick as I could.

''Though girl, you're not tipsy yet?'' he asked playfully because to him this was probably just a game.

''Let me be,'' I answered but he wouldn't let me alone.

''Maybe this beautiful girl wants to go out with this handsome stranger one time?'' he asked as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

''Yeah sure.'' I just said because I really wanted to get rid of him.

''Well well well maybe there's a soft side to this girl at last.'' He grinned like the evilest man I'd ever met but after yet another 10 of those drinks I didn't care anymore, I was so drunk that I didn't give a damn anymore and I openly flirted with the stranger.

''You wanna get to my place babe?'' he asked after he snogged me for well I didn't even know how long. And with that stupid brain of mine, I agreed and we were in his car before I knew it. I got a little scared because what the hell would happen when I was at his place? But the booze wouldn't let me think straight.

''Here we are, babe, get out of the car.'' He called from what my brain thought was the other side of the universe. The rest was all a blank gap because when I woke up the next morning I was in bed – stark naked – and had no idea what happened or where I was or who the heck this guy could be. But what I did know was that I had to get away as quick as I could. Silently I gathered all my things and sneaked out of the house when I closed the door behind me the first thing I did was run. I didn't even know where I was but I ran as far as I could into another street and called a cab that could bring me home. A pounding headache didn't really help because it just felt like a man with a hammer was there to destroy my brain so I swore off alcohol – or at least being drunken – for the rest of my life. At home, some painkillers, a shower and a lot of water did a wonder to my body and at last, I could think straight again. I knew I didn't need to but I had to let out some anger and the only way I knew was to shoot some bull's eyes so I picked up my archery gear and went as quick as I could out of the house and trying to forget the bad decision I had made for the first time in my life. Not knowing that it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

-{ Present Day }-

'' I know it was stupid, believe me, I know, but I had just lost the people that helped me through losing my parents. They were the only living people I loved at that moment and it just hurt so much that I thought that would be a better solution than trying to kill myself yet again.'' Stupid decisions always decided to follow me through my life, it wasn't that someone told me at that moment I would remember it when I did something that was as equally stupid.

''Let me tell you this, at the moment she is the only one that prevents me from killing myself. I need to think about another human being, one that is innocent and doesn't understand what I went through and It feels good. '' I smiled when I thought about Lola and the things she had done for me already just by being here.

''I didn't say a thing.'' He said innocently while putting up his hands in defense.

''I can't say the same, my life even while it was full of death and disease it was good. I had a loving mother and father and a best friend. But I can tell you that if we had met before the super serum you wouldn't have liked me. I was short and thin, had multiple diseases one of them heart troubles and it seemed like every woman despised me.'' He laughed at it but I could tell that he didn't like it one bit.

''So? I have heart troubles too combined with high blood pressure but that's what medication is for, diseases don't shape a person, it's you who has to do the shaping.'' I said to him while I pointed at his chest.

''And by the way, it's not true what you said, pretty boys may be good eye candy but I learned that most of the time well… you can't trust them. But guys that don't look that good are more honest and will honestly love you for who you are. You can trust them easier because for them it's a miracle that you chose them and not the tall and good looking guy. Even while you are now basically a piece of eye candy you still don't feel like it, deep inside your heart you still feel like the short and thin guy that always got rejected, I can tell.'' I said with a slight smile on my face. I saw him start to blush but it didn't matter to me because I just spoke the truth and nothing more than the truth.

''You really think that?'' He asked perplexed.

''Yeah haven't you ever thought about anyone and think ooh he or she is soo hot but the way they behaved you really didn't like, so you forgot about them because you knew beforehand that it wouldn't be worth it?'' I asked him and took a big gulp of my Cola. My eyes shifted from Steve to the little person with a blanket around her shoulder who was looking like she'd just had a nightmare.

''Hey what you're doing up?'' I asked her while I waved her over and she walked towards me.

''I had a nightmare,'' she whispered while she nestled herself in the crook of my arm and put her thumb back in her mouth.

''What happened in your nightmare?'' Steve asked her but she wouldn't take her thumb out of her mouth so I couldn't understand everything she said.

''Mommy stood before me and this man without a face stood next to me and killed mommy and took me away. I don't want to go, mommy, I want to stay.'' She cried after she told this and I actually had no idea how she always got this sort of vivid dreams because she had them almost every night, it was like a prediction that one day it would happen but I didn't want to think about that right now.

''it's alright sweetie, mommy's going nowhere and you can stay for as long as you want,'' I said while I hugged her.

''You know what always helps me when I am sad?'' Steve asked her.

''What?'' she said through hiccups.

''I always think about a good memory, like when you did something that made you really happy, do you have such a memory?'' he asked her when he kneeled down in front of her and tried to comfort her with his words.

''There was this time that mommy and uncle Clint took me to this baseball game and uncle Clint caught the ball for me and got it signed we had a really good time.'' She told him and I saw her smile return and her tears dry up. This man really did miracles.

''And when was this?'' Steve asked her with a candy sweet voice.

''Last week.'' She smiled when she said that because that day she had been so hyper after she got that ball that it was almost impossible to get her to bed.

''Yeah think about that day, think about everything you can remember it will make you feel better, it definitely worked for me.'' He smiled at her and ruffled through her red curls. She nodded at him and took her thumb out of mouth and took his big hand in her little one. It looked really sweet but I cursed myself for taking him home with me because within two weeks he would be gone and my little girl would be too attached to him. I only hoped she wouldn't cry when he disappeared from our lives.

There was a serene moment and within half an hour she was fast asleep on my chest and I smiled at her, my little munchkin.

''I'll go put her in bed,'' I whispered to her but I could hear him walk behind me on the stairs and I just couldn't say no, he had been so wonderful to my little girl and I knew how much he had wanted this when he was younger because officially he should be around 90 years old if he hadn't been frozen in the ice. But that wasn't what happened and he was still around his 20's and never experienced what most people experience after they've fallen in love and set their future in stone.

'' She's an angel.'' He whispers when I just put her in bed and watched her before I left her room.

''I know, and the most wonderful thing is that she's all mine. But on the other side I hate it, I hate it that she doesn't have a dad and that the only one I have in life is her and Clint, she deserves to have a dad but work keeps me so busy that I don't even have time to go out on a date even if I wanted to. After a long day at work, all I want to do is just lay in the hot tub and go to sleep. But that's what I signed up for.'' I said and left the room.

''If you find it good I would like to go to sleep,'' I said after I let out a long yawn.

''Alright I think I'm going to stay up for a bit.'' He said nonchalantly.

''Alright don't do anything stupid, remember I trust you and my trust isn't easy to get,'' I said and left the hallway and got in my bed as quick as I got my PJ's on and went on to my own kind of dreamland.

The next day I was surprised to find Steve and Lola already up and about at the breakfast table and joyfully talking about this and that.

''Morning,'' I said when I walked into the kitchen with my PJ's still on. I was a bit embarrassed about that but that was quickly forgotten when I saw the big smile on my little girls face.

''Morning mommy.'' She said a little too loud and it woke me up immediately.

''Hi, I thought it was best to start breakfast if you don't mind.'' He said while he went back to the pancakes and flipped them around. I went to stand next to him to see if he needed any help and saw that Lola already went back to coloring in her coloring book.

''I hope you don't mind but I found her this morning in my bed with her Teddy in one hand and a picture of you in the other, thought it would be best if I took care of her while she was awake. Didn't want to wake you up.'' He confessed and I had honestly no idea why she would go and lie with him while she could've easily lied down next to me in bed but there was something… some sort of vibe that Steve gave off that made me trust him easily.

''By the way do you have some sort of training room or something maybe somewhere in this town where I can blow off some steam?'' he asked me after he flipped another pancake, I took out the plates and put them on the table and when I walked back to him I answered his weird question.

''Yeah end of the hall, I designed a big room there officially it had been Clint's room before he left the house but he had some punching bags and more there already so I and my uncle break the wall between the two rooms that were originally standing there and made it some sort of gym. It's soundproof so you can go there anytime you want to but close the door. I don't want Lola to know what's inside that room until she's old enough.'' I simply said to him while he switched off the stove and put the last pancake on the tower of pancakes he baked.

We ate in silence and it felt a little uncomfortable but I wasn't going to put pressure on someone just because I wanted to talk for once, so the quiet continued.

''So mommy is free today would you like to do something fun?'' I asked Lola while she was munching on her last pancake.

''Yeah.'' She yelled and I could see the little pieces of pancake flying through the air.

''Swallow before you talk.'' I scolded her but she knew perfectly well that she was at fault here.

''Sorry mommy.'' She said while her cheeks turned pink.

''So any ideas?'' I knew, of course, I knew she had been begging me for days to go there and every time I had to disappoint her because I needed to work.

''Cinema!'' she yelled and hopped of her chair and ran upstairs to – probably - put her princess dress on again. So I just gathered the empty plates so I could place them in the sink and wash them. The dishwasher had been broken for some time but I never really had time to go to the shops and buy a new one or let a repairer come in.

''Here let me help,'' Steve said while he stood next to me, but I nudged him away. This was my job and I wanted to do it for as long as I could. He probably didn't understand because he just got a towel and dried the dishes after I washed them.

''Mommy can Mr. Steve come with us?'' I heard Lola yell from upstairs and I had to laugh at myself, my little girl that had a hard time to attach herself to anyone just became one of the biggest fans of who she didn't yet know was Captain America.

''Sure Sweetie, if he wants to,'' I yelled back at her but I knew he would, it looked like he had gotten attached to this little girl as well.

 **Please leave a review.**

 **XXX**

 **FredAndGeorgeForever**


	6. Mission From Hell

-{ Last Night }-

''What are you doing here?'' Steve asked Lola when he found her in his bed.

''I can't sleep.'' She said with sleepy eyes and sweetness in her voice.

''Why don't you go to your mommy then?'' he asked her when he saw the picture of her in her hand.

''Mommy needs to sleep, mommy's always so busy.'' She said with her sleepy voice.

''Alright so why me?'' He asked her a little confused.

''There's a monster in my closet and I'm afraid to go into my room.'' She said while she clutched her teddy a little extra.

''Alright… do you want me to fight the monster?'' he asked while he scratched his head a little. He had literally no idea how he should handle kids. He wasn't a parent after all. He knew how to entertain them… well, at least a little but he had no idea how to care for a child like an actual parent did every day again and again. She shook her head as if to say no.

''I want to stay here.'' She stubbornly said while she made herself a little more comfortable on the bed.

''Alright, but in the morning we're going to hunt monsters okay?'' he asked her but she was already asleep and had herself bound to his arm.

''Sleep well kiddo.'' He whispered. He already couldn't sleep but this just made him more awake then before and also bound him to the bed. This was probably how Peggy had felt when she had kids. Always trying to protect them from evil.

-{ Present Day }-

''Would you like to come?'' I asked him as I turned around to face him.

''Yeah sure, but tell her to call me Steve, I think it's a little early for the mister.'' He laughed it away but I could see that it bothered him to be called mister, but the real reason for that lay probably deeper than I thought.

''Well we have a problem then, Fury texted me that he would bring out today that you're still alive so we need camouflage,'' I said seriously and I could see that he was a bit shocked, he'd probably never needed it before.

''Come on I've got something for you.'' The two of us walked upstairs towards the closet in my room. There was a part of that closet that didn't and would never belong to me because there lay some clothes and accessories of my parents. From the depths of my closet I picked up an old and dusty fishers head, but it had to do because it was the only hat available in the house, with it came a pair of sunglasses that I never really cared for but I had seen my dad wear it so many times that I just had to take it with me.

''Be careful with those they were my dad's, not many good memories are attached to it so maybe you can make some beautiful memories for them.'' I smiled at them because I knew that the last time I saw them was on a fishing trip I had with my dad when I was 14.

''I can't take this.'' He seriously said and wanted to give them back but I was adamant.

''Take them, they've been in this closet for more than 10 years. It's good they can finally be useful.'' After some light bantering he finally took them and put them on, it looked really weird and I laughed at him, like a full on belly laugh.

''We'll get another hat for you when we're in town,'' I told him because this just looked ridiculous.

''What? What wrong with this one?'' he asked but he hadn't seen himself in the mirror yet, so I took his arms and guided him towards my mirror where he started to laugh at how ridiculous he looked.

''You're right.'' He said in between laughter. While we were laughing I saw my little princess sneak into the room and I just did like I couldn't see her.

''What're you laughing about?'' she asked innocently while we tried to compose ourselves.

''This,'' I said while I pointed at Steve's head. I could see her start to smile but because Steve faced her she didn't dare to laugh out loud.

''Why don't you go play in your room and we'll get you when we're ready to go to the cinema,'' I told her and she left the two of us alone to talk some more.

''How old is she?'' he asked me when she just left the room and I had to sit down because I knew this was going to be a rough talk.

''Four next week,'' I told him when he sat down next to me.

''I'm not sure if you're going to answer this question but I'll still try, why is it that you do so simple about money?'' he asked me with a frown on my face and immediately I knew that one of my covers had been broken.

''Well, I'm kind of a millionaire. My parents, I found out when they died where millionaires and I inherited their money on my 18th birthday. I just… I never really had someone except my aunt and uncle and later Clint to share it with so it just stayed there. Never touched and then they died and I had to take care of myself so I bought the house and after Lola was born I hired a sort of nanny so I could work and still be with her. I barely do something with it, I'm just waiting for the time that I really need it.'' I explained to him the story that I never wanted to tell a living soul, let alone a super soldier who barely had any money when he was younger.

''Alright, so actually I'm talking to a rich soldier. Bit weird really because you don't need to work for your money. So why continue?'' he asked me while I lied down on the bed.

''I like my work, that's why I continue,'' I said to him, I could feel some tears leave my eyes.

''So why are you crying then?'' he said after he caught some of the tears with his finger.

''It isn't that simple you know. My life… it has been a mess and through this job, I can continue the things I like while trying to fight for my country. I'm nothing more than a broken girl, who has her wings spread open but can't fly.'' I couldn't face him when I said this because I just told him out loud what I thought of myself.

''That's not true, you have everything I never could. You have a family, even while it is a broken family you still have a daughter that loves you more than the world, I know because she told me so. And even while you don't have a husband you have a nephew that loves you.'' His words where meaningful and I could hear real emotion in the words because he just told me what I had and that it was better than what he had left. But what did he have left? Memories of the people he loved most, most of them would be dead already just like my family.

''Come here,'' I said while I took his hand and dragged him on the bed, for a slight moment I felt the pain of his body lying on me but he quickly rolled away from mine so he was just lying next to me.

''How can it that such a sweet man like you has never been claimed?'' I asked him while staring at the ceiling.

'' As I said, people looked at me and probably found me ugly, I don't know girls like long men but even while I am long and strong now I don't feel like it. I still feel like a little kid that got beaten up in the alley.'' He confessed before sitting up again and looking out of the window, his body was present but his mind was far away. I didn't know for how long I had been lying like this but I did know that when my alarm went off it was time to go to the cinema.

''Come on big guy we've a movie to catch,'' I said smirking at him. I had a really good day first the princess movie that made me blush a little because this famous guy was willing to watch it like it was the most normal thing in the world. Then we went to the shops to find a new hat for Steve, it wasn't easy because he didn't like many of them but in the end, he found his hat and Lola a new princess tiara. So at the end of the day, I fell asleep so quick that I didn't even know how I got in my bed, the last memory I had was sitting on a chair next moment I wake up in the morning from the bright light that shines through my window.

It was only 7 AM and Lola was still sound asleep. But the sad thing was that I had to go to work and this time I really didn't want to. I found Steve already up and about before the mute tv, he didn't even hear me coming but he sure did feel it when I accidentally fell on the couch after I tripped over some barbies. I blushed because I had just fallen into his lap, something I thought was only for couples and surely not for friends, was he even a friend or just an acquaintance?

''Sorry,'' I said before quickly standing up and running towards the kitchen where I made some quick breakfast and ate all on my own.

''So uhm Steve… I've got to go to work today, Ang is coming today and she's taking Lola to the playground.'' I stood there in the middle of the room, still a bit flustered but very uncomfortable.

''I'll come with you, maybe find something to do there while you're at work.'' Were his simple words, he didn't even look at me but I knew I'd done something wrong but were too shy to actually ask what exactly that was.

Three weeks went by this way. I went to work, he hitched a ride and on my free days, I did something nice with Lola and sometimes Steve came with us. Since that day it wasn't really that comfortable to be around each other, I saw that he spent many hours playing or talking with Lola but when I came into the room he would walk away with an excuse. It felt weird, he distanced himself and it wasn't a good sign because I had gone through those symptoms myself, but Steve didn't look like he was depressed, nor did he behave like it. From deep inside my heart I knew the time would come when I had to say goodbye and he would be gone from our lives for good, but I hadn't thought this day would come so soon. It was almost four weeks since Steve had come to stay with us when in the middle of the night Fury stood at my door with bad news. I let him in and he immediately walked towards the training room but what I hadn't known was that Steve was there at the moment, I had seen him there more than one time when I walked towards the bathroom and I saw that his room was empty. I always looked in that room first because he always tried to punch something that wasn't alive. I didn't even know for who Fury had come so I just followed him through my own house. When he finally stopped he stepped inside the room, I quickly walked inside after him and closed the door when I saw how Steve yet again murdered one of my punching bags. The blow could be heard through the whole house if it wasn't for the soundproof walls. I knew he always covered up his own mess but I couldn't help but cry inside my head when I saw my favorite punching bag lying there on the ground like a useless pile of dirt.

''Trouble sleeping?'' Fury asked him when he started to punch the new bag.

''Slept for 70 years Sir, I think I've had enough rest.'' He said while still punching.

''Then you should yell, celebrating, seeing the world.'' He said while he stepped further inside the room and I walked behind him trying to figure out why he was here.

''When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up and they say we have won. They didn't say what we lost.'' He started to say a little out of breath and sweat dripping down his body.

''we've made some mistakes along the way. Some, very recently.'' Fury said, apologizing was not his best subject but he could lie as one of the best, not that I thought he was lying right now.

''Are you here with a mission, sir?'' Please don't let this be true.

''I am.'' Shit.

''Trying to get me back in the world?'' at the moment I didn't understand the man in front of me. If he had wanted to be gone so much he could've left whenever he wanted, no he could've not even come with me and I'd probably be okay with it, while I tried to deny it many times I just wanted to be sure that the people I cared about were safe, even if that meant I would die for them.

''Trying to save it.'' Fury gave Steve something which I couldn't see.

''HYDRA's secret weapon.''

''Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think: the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs.''

''Who took it from you?''

''He's called Loki. He's not from around here. There's a lot we'll have to bring you up to speed on if you're in. the world has gotten even stranger that you already know.''

''At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me.''

''Ten bucks says you're wrong. I've got a debriefing packet for you. Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?''

''You should have left it in the ocean,'' Steve said a bit cruelly.

''And what are my orders, Sir?'' I asked Fury because he hadn't even acknowledged me.

''Your orders are to stand down Agent Tenn!'' He said and turned around to look me in the eye, his voice was full of authority but I didn't care this time I wanted to know what was wrong.

''And why may that be?'' I asked him calmly but on the inside, I was angered and at the same time still a bit asleep.

''Barton has been caught by the one that they call Loki, I need you to stay here and not engage in this fight, your emotions can come on the way of trying to protect the city, we don't want you to do anything stupid such as risk your life for him, he wouldn't thank me if that happened so for now you are on paid leave.'' He said and after that walked away while I fell to the ground and tried to make myself as little as possible and cry my eyes out while I thought about Clint. I screamed my special high pitched scream and if this hadn't been a soundproof room and I did actually have neighbors, then they would've woken up in the middle of the night wondering where that scream came from, so that would've probably ended up with me having the police on my doorstep.

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 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	7. Let Me

-{ 5 Week's Ago }-

''You have the ball, you have the ball,'' Lola said with amazement in her voice and her eyes went as big as saucers as she looked at Clint's hand and saw the ball in it.

''Yup.'' He said as he looked at his hand and looked as if he couldn't believe it himself.

''Cooooooooollll.'' She said and with sadness in her voice, she started to look at the game again. I knew what she thought, she had hoped to catch one herself but I had known that wouldn't happen. Clint was too much of a baseball fan to not try and catch it. But I really hoped he saw the sad look on her face when she tried to watch the game through the tears in her eyes.

At the end of the game – with the Yankees of course winning – I tried to cheer her up a bit but it wouldn't budge. She was happy for Clint and happy that the Yankees won but I could see that she was jealous.

''Wait for me by the car,'' Clint said when we left the stadium. So that was exactly what we did, in less than 10 minutes he was back with a big smile on his face, I had to stop my brain from overthinking about what this smile could be about but I found out soon enough.

''Let's go for ice cream, my treat,'' Clint said when he sat down in the car. So when I finally sat down in the ice cream shop I found out why Clint was smiling so brightly.

''Lollipop of me I've got a surprise.'' He said with a big smile and got something from his bag. It was the ball he caught but with signatures from the players on it. I saw my little girls face light up the whole room and if she could she would've jumped into his arms from excitement but that would mean that her ice cream would be crushed between their chests.

''Thank you, uncle Clint, thank you thank you thank you.'' The whole way back home she was giggling and smiling and when she stood on the ground she was jumping up and down from excitement.

-{ Present Day }-

I had no idea how late it was, nor did I care. All I cared about was that my family was in danger and my eyes hurt from the many tears I shed. Inside my head, the little guy – with the hammer – returned and the bright light didn't really agree with my eyes. I could feel I was lying in a bed but had no memory of going there. The last memory I had was crying on that sweaty floor and Steve trying to calm me down. But he'd probably be gone by now. So when I heard something shifting on the bed I immediately thought it would be Lola. But my thoughts were wrong, I could feel strong abs under my hand after I turned around. My eyes still closed, I saw my mistake and opened them to see Steve. But he wasn't happy nor sad. He was steaming mad. And on his lap was the special Captain America box that I had tried to hide as best as I could but probably not good enough. It had been a mistake to take it back to this house, I knew that. But every time I tried to get rid of it, I made up my mind and kept it.

''How did you get that?'' I asked flabbergasted that he had found it. I cursed myself for keeping it and I knew that he would be angry about this. Just last week he had a few encounters with some people that liked to call themselves 'fangirls'. It hadn't been a good moment. He played it down and acted cool and took a picture with them, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't want to do it.

''Steve answer me,'' I told him while I sat up straight in bed, the door was closed I was very happy about that and I saw it was 6 AM in the morning when I took a quick peek at the clock.

''Why?'' he asked me while he took one item after another out of the box.

''Why what Steve?''

''Why did you ask me to come stay with you?'' he asked. We had that conversation for at least 5 times now and I still didn't understand why it bothered him so much.

''Because I wanted to be nice,'' I said with my half-asleep brain while I looked at him questioningly.

''But that's not the truth, is it?'' he asked me with those penetrating eyes.

''Why? Why can't a person just be nice? Why does there always have to be another reason?'' I asked him now getting quite angry myself.

''Maybe because of this?'' he said while he showed me my whole collection of Captain America stuff.

''What has that to do with it?'' I asked him confused because I really didn't get it.

''Don't you see? You're just as bad as those fangirls. Or maybe even worse, you've finally what you wanted, Captain America in your house and private conversations with him. Are you happy?'' he said and smashed the box on the ground, I could hear the little statue I once made as a child break and a tear escaped my eye because I had actually very happy memories making it.

''How did you find it?'' I asked him bitterly while steam came almost out of his ears.

''How did I? Lola came here and told me about it. she told mommy had the most wonderful collection of superhero stuff.''

''How? I've never told her about it.''

''Well, obviously she found out, maybe she's been through your stuff and found it, wasn't that difficult to find honestly.'' He said and I answered him as one of those sarcastic tv presenters.

''Right if you'd like to make my life as miserable as you wish just go. Go and leave me alone, go on your stupid mission.'' I said while beating him with a pillow. I said this when I was angry but at that moment I couldn't really think straight which is why when I calmed down it hit earth what I'd done.

''Fine.'' Was all he said before storming out of the room and eventually out of the house. I could hear the front door smashing closed and hear his motor becoming alive. I could hear it slowly fade away and then I knew it was over. Well, it hadn't even been something we were just friends, at least I thought about the two of us as friends. But it hit home that one of the people I love most in life was in the clutches of an evil mastermind and my friend had just left me, angry and all, to go protect the earth. I should've been there too, protecting the earth with Clint. Two archers beside each other. We became a team when I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. One wasn't found without the other on missions. So it really wasn't fair that the evil Loki was trying to take away everyone around me. That's when I got an idea. I picked up my phone as quick as I could and dialed the number she had given me for emergencies. because this is definitely an emergency.

'' Nat, Nat please tell me you're okay,'' I asked her when she picked up the phone. I could already imagine what her face looked like when I called.

''Yeah I'm fine, what about you?'' she carefully asked not knowing if I knew.

''I'm fine but I need a favor.'' I quickly told her a little out of breath.

''Shoot.'' She answered.

''If something happens, keep me updated, please Fury has forbidden me to fight because of Clint. Tell me when or if something happens, I'm going mad already.'' I said more than a bit scared. Even while the two of us left in a fight, I was still worried about him but I couldn't tell Nat that.

''Consider it done.'' She said and hang up. I called Ang with the message that she should bring her suitcase with her for if something happened I was adamant to suit up and fight.

It had been way too long before I finally heard something. Not from Nat but on tv, and it didn't seem that good. Giant monsters came through the air New York in, and I got afraid that the safety of Lola couldn't be guaranteed. So I sneaked into my own room when Lola was finally asleep after hours of crying, found my suit and was ready to suit up when I got a text. And I wasn't that happy about it.

''Fury.'' I groaned and rolled with my eyes. It was like he had a sixth sense sometimes.

'Don't even think about it.' his text said so with anger I threw my suit back in the closet. Why was it every time I wanted to do something he would think about something to prevent it? I am not a baby, I just wanted to fight just like everyone else. I could protect myself good enough so that I wouldn't die.

Next day the news was going mad about the news of 'The Avengers' or that's what they called themselves. I was more than a bit annoyed because I should've been in there too.

The battle of New York was over. The Avengers had won, but who had survived? I had no clue. The news told about the Avengers winning but not about who died or who survived.

From the distance, I could hear a motorcycle coming into the street and got afraid that they had found me. They'd probably kill me if those where the bad guys. So slowly I sneaked towards the hall, the stairs had a creaking step because the plank was loose, that had a completely normal reason. Under that step I had a fully loaded gun constipated. I knew Lola was upstairs playing with Ang and her door was closed so I took the gun from under the creaking step and walked carefully towards the door. But when I opened it I had to blink multiple times before I could believe what I saw before me. On my doorstep stood Steve, with a big smile on his face and some cuts, which heeled much faster than a normal person. His motorcycle stood parked behind him and I couldn't help but overthink this.

''Oh my god, you survived,'' I whispered to him while I threw my arms around his neck and hid my face in his armpit, he smelled really nice.

''What wait, Clint, where's Clint? Clint… did he survive?'' I asked him out of breath, my heart was beating like a madman, and I feared the worst.

''He's okay, he went home to get some rest.'' He told me calmly. The smile on his face never left.

''And you! You left me, you made Lola cry for hours.'' I angrily said while beating his chest but he didn't even move a centimeter.

''Why didn't Clint come with you?'' I asked him a bit confused when I calmed down a bit, there where so many emotions running through my body right now that I couldn't control them anymore.

''He knew I needed to talk with you first, he's coming this afternoon. He promised.'' He told me.

''You told him didn't you?'' I asked him but wouldn't let him inside until he told me everything, fuck the world they could hear everything if they wanted, well there first had to be a person that accidentally walked through this street because there was literally no one that accidentally drove through this street.

''Eventually yeah. He sensed something was wrong when he finally was himself again, so he took a wild guess, one that was completely true.'' He said a bit ashamed. I would die to know what happened in that conversation.

''But I like to tell you something first, when I was away I had some time to blow of some steam and think a bit straighter when I wasn't in battle, so here I go. Lily, I like you. Like really really like you.'' The confusion could be read in my eyes and I was almost a hundred percent certain that he saw it.

''You're right,'' I said sarcastically to him and tried to push him away and close the door.

''No Lily let me finish, I like you and I hope if you give me a chance I can prove that I'm not really a bad guy.'' He said sweetly.

''And tell me, why should I give you a chance? Maybe I can take another blow when you leave me but you can't do that Lola ever again, you just went away without an explanation. She's very upset with you.'' I said as if to explain why this couldn't happen.

''Because she told me that she would rather have you date one guy every week then that you stay miserably alone. Her words not mine by the way, '' he said and pushed the door open with his hand. It didn't matter how much force I used he would always be more powerful so I let him open the door and step inside.

''Why would she tell such a thing to you but not me?'' I asked him seriously.

''Because she loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.'' He told me. He took another step forward and before I knew my back hit the wall, he came closer and I got afraid, he may be Captain America but he is still just a bloke.

''Please let me prove myself.'' He begged me.

''Let the bloke.'' I could hear Ang call from upstairs.

''Yeah mommy.'' Lola joined.

''I…I..yo- mph.'' I tried to say something but before I could he smashed his lips on mine and all the talking was done, I gave in and stood on my toes because he was way taller than me and I could imagine the pain he would get in his neck if he stayed this way for too long.

''Let me love you.'' He said after he broke the kiss.

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 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	8. Three Years Later

-{ After Steve Left For The Mission }-

It felt like the tears wouldn't stop coming. When I wiped away one tear another came and so it went on. It was two hours before I felt someone sit down on the bed. Of course, I hoped it was Steve. He hurt me and I couldn't help it but feel sad, sad about what happened and about the stupid decisions I had made in life.

''Mommy, mommy where Is Steve,'' Lola asked when she saw I wouldn't turn around.

''Lola sweetie. Come here.'' I said while I turned around and took her in my arms to get a big and fluffy hug from her and her always following teddy.

''Mommy where is Steve?'' she asked again after my hair was out of her mouth.

''Steve is gone, honey.'' I tried to say as nonchalant like it didn't matter that he went away and decided to not give a second thought about my little one that had gotten too attached to him.

''Where mommy? When Is he coming back?'' she asked me with as much innocent as her mind could come up with.

''I don't think he's coming back, Sweetie,'' I told her when another tear creeped out of my eyes. By now my eyes should've been red and puffy but I didn't dare look in a mirror.

''But…But… he promised to… he promised…'' she managed to say before the tears started to come. and now I could clear up his mess.

''I know he promised but he had to go and I'm not sure he's coming back, sweetie.''

-{ Present Day }-

It had been three rough years, especially for me. Steve was gone a lot while he still lived with us officially he spread his time. Sometimes he slept at the Avenger Tower and sometimes with us and another he would be in Washington D.C. for work. In those three years, I'd already broken up with him once. Why? I didn't really know but I'd know I just broke up with him again. Again I had no idea why. I could just get so angry sometimes and it wasn't that easy. Last time we broke up he went to D.C. for work and ended up in the hospital this time he stayed in New York – mostly because Tony threatened him – but it was still hard. I had seen him with plenty of women while I had broken up with him. Some were just the fangirls that tried to get to him so he would love them but there was this one that returned more than once and she wasn't a fangirl. After the first time Steve and I broke up, Natasha helped me get over him and I even dated another guy, for a short while before Steve and I couldn't take it anymore and tried again. The worst was that even while Steve and I weren't together anymore he still went to see Lola, it sometimes felt like we were divorced parents. It hurt to see Lola so happy with Steve while everything I wanted was just being with Steve like a happy couple not break up or have fights. It broke my heart every time when I saw him and after the second time, it was even worse than the first because I knew what was going to happen.

But the best part was that I was now an Avenger, now because two special archers where better than one. I had my own room at the tower of course but most of the time I just went home because home is where my heart is. And it hurt to be there and see Steve every time. I could see the pity in the eyes of the other Avengers and the only one I could really talk to without getting the sad eyes was Bruce, but I knew he had his own problems. One of them being in love and not giving in to it. But when I was frank with myself I had exactly the same problem. Only I didn't want to admit it. When I was alone with Tony he told me this all the time and I really didn't know how Pepper controlled him, but when she was around she did a good job of getting him away from me.

Today was the day of the party, the party Tony had planned with so much joy and threatened me that if I didn't come he would slip into my room and steal some of my underwear only to throw it at Steve's head. And if that happened I would be mortified. Not only that he would steal my underwear but that he'd throw it at Steve's head was even worse. Of course Steve's had seen my underwear and of course, Steve had seen me naked, well twice… once by accident when I left the shower and didn't know he was in my room. And once when we had the house to ourselves and I popped his cherry, that was the best night of my life. But that was over now, and I shouldn't even be thinking about it at all.

So I decided against my better judgment to come, and because 'Uncle Tony' had promised Lola a present if she came, she wouldn't stop begging me to come to the party. So even while it was way beyond her bedtime she stood ready in her pink princess dress and her ballerina shoes. I had to wear a yellow dress – which I really didn't like – and some low heels. But maybe there was a plus side to this party, there would be coming non-Avengers too and it would maybe get me out of that shell that I created again after we broke up. Socializing shouldn't be that bad… or should it? I asked myself while I put Lola in the car and soon after drove away from my safe home, where there were too many memories of me and Steve. Every time the two of us broke up he took his stuff and left towards the Avenger tower where he now currently lived.

I parked as close as I could towards the tower and had to walk the rest of the way – on my heels and with Lola on my back – towards what I had now decided was my living hell until I could sneak away – which was becoming a lot more difficult with Lola – so with my dignity still intact I stepped into Avenger Tower – the place I really didn't want to be – I kept calm and slowly took a breath. Till now nobody really saw me but I could feel Lola tug on my hand when I had taken her off of my back. She obviously saw someone she liked. Keep calm, don't cry. Keep calm, don't cry. I kept repeating this sentence again and again but when I saw Steve – happy and all – with his friends at the pool table, something inside me broke.

''Steve!'' Lola yelled while she released my hand and ran towards Steve who looked around and found Lola with a smile on her face on the ground, he lifted her up in his arms and she giggled. The tears were starting to form when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder so I turned around to find Bruce behind me.

''Everything alright?'' he asked me when he saw what happened. I just nodded a no and hid my face on his shoulder while the tears started to flow. When the hiccups came he let me towards an empty couch.

''Hey, I thought you wanted this?'' he asked me confused while he kept an eye on Lola who played with her 'favorite uncles' and the man she now considered as her dad.

''Yes….No… I don't know it's all just so confusing. I love him, I really do but our fights get so intense that I always make the wrong choices. It hurts so much Bruce..'' I said through the tears. From the other side of the room, Steve looked at the two of us and couldn't help but feel the jealousy starting to take over his actions. He had never known Lily had any interest in Bruce, had he known he would've broken up with her earlier she deserved to have her happily ever after, but he thought there would be a slight chance you and him would find that together, with each other. After a while when my tears had dried and that stupid pounding headache came back again, Bruce started to talk with me about how his new project went.

''Hey can I get you something to drink?'' Bruce asked me and without even thinking about it I said yes just so I could think a bit on my own. When I looked around I saw that many people already went home and at one point I was a bit disappointed but on the other hand, it would mean less awkward conversations. But when I looked around me I didn't see Lola anymore, so of course like every responsible parent I freaked out. I ran up the stairs but stopped a minute because there right in front of me, Nat was flirting with Bruce and I felt happy for them. I wanted them to be happy together and not end up alone like I always seemed to do.

But then Nat walked away and I didn't get it, why walk away when she could've taken him with her, but then Nat wasn't even gone for a minute and Steve walked towards Bruce. I couldn't hear what they were talking about but knew for sure that it was something about Bruce and Nat. So I let them finish their talk before I ran up to Steve.

''Steve, where's Lola?'' I asked him when the panic started to run through my veins again. My eyes went as big as saucers when the adrenaline completed his full round.

''She's upstairs.'' He calmly said and wanted to walk further but I stopped him.

''Where.''

''She was half asleep so I put her in my bed until you take her home, let her sleep for a while but you never should've taken your kid with you.'' He said

''Oh my kid? Last week you were complaining she's your kid too and don't bother, if Tony hadn't blackmailed me I would've never taken her with me, no I would've never even come myself.'' I said angrily and walked away. And before I knew it only us avengers were over sitting in a circle with Thor's mightiest hammer on the table and Clint trying to lift it while he probably was very drunk and had sticks in his mouth. But in his defense, almost everyone in the circle was drunk or almost drunk except Steve of course. Clint couldn't lift it and Tony with his big mouth thought he would succeed. So there he went – multiple times – trying to lift a hammer that possibly murdered a lot of aliens or whatever I should call them. Even with James Rhodes helping him, the hammer wouldn't budge and stayed on the table where Thor had placed him, afterward Bruce tried but it didn't matter how impressive he might've wanted to be, it still didn't budge. Steve came further, he could actually move the hammer a bit when he tried, the look on Thor's face was priceless when he feared for his life that Steve would win. None of the lady's wanted to try so, of course, I needed to try to represent the female population. I could hear some of the guys laughing their asses off while I stood there in front of the hammer – completely sober – but I didn't care what they thought about it, if I wanted to then I would try.

''Lady Lily.'' Thor just said and watched me with an amused look. But now came the fun part, I put the cord around my arm and grabbed the hammer, with all the power I had left inside my little body I pulled the hammer up. And something magical happened, the hammer went a bit up, it was just a few centimeters up before it became too heavy and I had to put it down again.

''What do you think about that gentleman.'' I heard Natasha say from the couch, Thor was flabbergasted because no one else had managed to pull that hammer up. It wasn't like I wanted to become queen of Asgard or something I was perfectly happy with the life I had now down here on earth. With a smile on my face, I sat down next to Natasha again and waited for the men to find their dignity.

''Well not like it matters to the man that's going to be king of Asgard but you did good,'' Tony admitted first while still a bit embarrassed.

''Well fuck that Lily you are amazing.'' Clint came next because he definitely found his dignity back.

''Steve he said a bad language word.'' Maria Hill said from the other couch. I couldn't believe that it had stuck, every time someone said a bad word they told it to Steve just because one time he corrected Tony on that mission.

''You'd tell everyone about that?'' Steve asked seriously because it was obviously something he was ashamed of.

''Well the fingerprint theory obviously doesn't count so Thor tell us,'' Tony said and just ignored Steve.

''Yeah it was a very very interesting theory. I have a simpler one. You're all not worthy.'' He said and picked the hammer up as if it weighs nothing at all. That was when the noise came, that awful noise like when someone goes with their nails over the school board, it's a truly terrible sound. Only then the party was spoiled. A creepy robot like those people make for Halloween so as to make children afraid came into the room.

''Worthy…No… how could you be worthy? You're all killers.'' The robot said with his creepy voice.

''Stark.'' Steve immediately said because this had to be one of his robots.

''Jarvis.'' He said as if this would be the solution to every problem.

''I'm Sorry, I was asleep. Or… I was a-dream?'' It said while I was freaking out just a bit more.

''Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit,'' Tony said while he was tapping his device.

''There was a terrible noise… and I was tangled in… in… strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.'' The robot continued.

''You killed someone,'' Steve asked.

''Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices.'' the robot said while swaying a bit.

''Who sent you?'' Thor asked, nobody could really think straight at the moment and everyone sobered up.

''I see a suit of armor around the world.'' The voice came from the robot but it was definitely Tony's voice.

''Ultron.'' Bruce immediately said.

''In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this… chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission.'' The robot who apparently was called Ultron said.

''What mission?'' Nat called from behind me.

''Peace in our time,'' Ultron said.

And then out of nowhere more robots from the Iron Legion came flying through the wall and the only thing I could think about was hearing Lola's scream from close by, slowly I looked around me if she really was here when I spotted her and ran for my life so I could protect her.

I'd just came back from a mission, in freaking Sokovia for god's sake – where we met the evil but very powerful twins – I just wanted some peace and quiet from the evil people for god's sake and now the party started all over again.

Please leave a review ;D

XXX FredAndGeorgeForever


	9. New Mission

-{ 2 Months and Three weeks after Lola's Birth }-

It had been a quiet day. I had fed Lola, bathed her, changed her diaper, played with her and brought her to bed. It was now evening and if it wasn't for the tv then there would be an absolute quiet surrounding me. Lola didn't make a sound and this house felt too big at the moment. It made me feel anxious most of the times. My chest tightened and the air came in fewer portions through my throat. So I stood up, put off the TV and walked towards the kitchen to drink something. But that's when everything went downhill. I went towards the refrigerator door and that's where it stood. The date. The calendar. The date made me even more anxious than I was before. Just two days until it was the dead day of my aunt and uncle. Just two days. All this time I had tried to think as less as possible about it but if it was shoved right into my face I couldn't escape it. No there was no possible way that I could escape my feelings right now. The tears started to come and within a minute I was full on sobbing. I shrank down until I was practically lying on the kitchen tiles and life just became a big blurry thing. Next, I know I'm standing in the bathroom almost completely naked – only my panties and my bra protecting me from the cold – and I'm looking into the mirror. It didn't feel normal it was like was looking down at myself, as if I was watching a movie. This thought, this big thought just ran through my head over and over again 'I'm a shitty mother, I don't deserve to live!' it ran through my head over and over and it made me even more anxious than I was before. Out of nowhere I had a knife in my hand and it felt surreal, vaguely I heard the cries of Lola and I have no idea for how long I stood there in front of the mirror with that knife above my wrist but before I know it I hear someone walking upstairs, faint footsteps coming closer with every step. I hear him call but my body doesn't respond and then out of nowhere he kicks In the door, for a moment I'm shocked but it doesn't stay in my body long enough for me to feel.

''Lily…Lily…Lily, what fuck are doing? DROP THAT KNIFE! LILY DROP THE KNIFE!'' he screamed at one point. He took my wrists in his hands but I didn't know how hard I had that knife in my but when I opened my hand to let the knife drop on the ground the muscles of my hand hurt very much. When I finally dropped the knife Clint took me in his arms and tried to calm me down when I started crying as if my life depended on it.

''shhh Lily calm down what's going on everything went so good this morning.'' He said to me and I could still hear the faint cries in the background.

''I couldn't do it anymore… the guilt… the pain and knowing that I would never be a good mother… those thoughts were trying to choke me, trying to kill me from the inside out. I just couldn't take it anymore.'' I said through the tears and the hiccups.

''Lily you are a good mother and you've done nothing wrong, don't listen to your fear…'' he said and placed me on the toilet and put a towel around my shoulders for the cold. I saw him walk away only to come back with Lola in his arms who was still faintly crying, I could tell that she wasn't hungry nor had she peed or pooped her diaper, she was lonely, wanted people around her. Clint placed her in my arms and I started making those little but weird noises that calmed her down, within a few minutes she asleep again and I was yet again left with Clint.

''Don't you see? You're not a mother and those things that happened in the past, those are not your fault. They're not!'' he said. Clint stayed the night after that even stayed the next day. He put all the knifed behind some locks and made sure that I visited my shrink for my relapse. After that, It slowly started to get better and I didn't relapse the day after when it was the one year anniversary of my aunts and uncles dead.

-{ Present Day}-

I ran as quick up the stairs towards where my little girl was huddled in between some chairs. This shouldn't have happened. We shouldn't have been here. I wanted to hate him, more than everything because It was Starks fault that we were here. But I couldn't because even while it was his fault that we were here, he couldn't have predicted that this would've happened. When I squat down so I was on eye level with her – I could see the fear in her eye's – I took her in my arms and wanted to run away with her. Where to? I didn't have any idea yet but maybe it was best to run upstairs, put her somewhere safe and protect the room she was in. but when I turned around one of those slave robots stood in front of me. I kicked it and tried everything I could with my girl huddled in my arms and her face on my shoulder. It was going to murder us, I was very sure of that when out of nowhere Steve's shield flew towards the robot and destroyed it.

''Thanks,'' I screamed at him while I searched for an escaping route.

''Get her out of here.'' He answered. I ran as quick as I could towards my room at the Avengers Tower because it would be high enough and far enough away from this battle. I could still hear the battle but was distracted because I felt my shoulder get wet.

''Sweetie calm down, everything's going to be alright, calm down please do it for mommy,'' I said while I ran up the stairs. I took 3 steps a time so it wasn't long before I reached my room I didn't trust the elevator at the moment because if Ultron could control those too then I would be royally screwed if I was inside it. I opened the door and put her on the bed.

''Mommy what's going on?'' she asked me when we were a bit safer than before, but I couldn't let it by that. I went towards the closet where I put my reserve weapons and took them into my hands. Arrows on my back and bow in my hands. If one of those stupid robots decided to come here I would be ready for combat.

''Mommy,'' she said, she was scared I could hear it in her voice but this was something I was used to, well only she wouldn't be in the picture so it was a little more difficult than other times because she had never been present before when I needed to fight.

''Are we gonna die?'' she asked me far more serious than someone else of her age would've asked.

''Were not. Mommy will protect us. Just stay where you are and if someone enters this room who we don't know then you flee into the bathroom alright?'' I asked her and she nodded. Every bedroom had their own bathroom attached to it so everyone would have more privacy. But the worst about this situation was that when I was just with the other Avengers I could make my mind clear and do whatever I wanted to do but now my mind was full of worry about Lola. The two of us sat there for two hours not knowing what to do or if the battle was over. Two hours full of worry and a child that refused to go to sleep. So when the door opened I started to freak out in the beginning but when I saw Steve's head I relaxed and lowered my arrow.

''Oh my god Steve, what happened,'' I asked him when I hugged him out of joy.

''it's okay it's over. Are you alright?'' he asked me and Lola.

''We're fine but Lola's been very scared,'' I said to him while I tried to compose myself a bit. This couldn't happen anymore, we weren't together anymore.

''Is that so?'' He asked her when he sat down on the bed next to her and ruffled her growing red hair. She just nodded with her thumb in her mouth and hugged her Teddy bear a bit more. That Teddy bear had been something she couldn't live without, if I only asked her if she couldn't leave her teddy home for one night she would start to cry and if I asked her if she didn't want it anymore because she was a big girl now she would start to cry and complain that she would always live with her Teddy. Her teddy was her world.

''Well everything's fine now so why don't we go to sleep?'' he asked her with one of his special smiles. Those smiles that only he could give.

''Can you stay?'' She asked quietly, ever since Steve came into the picture she would go to Steve when she had a nightmare or went to Steve when she was scared. He had always tried to direct her to me but that would never happen, it was Steve with Lola or me, Steve and Lola. And It killed me inside that I wasn't enough for her. No, a kid would always want a daddy and for her, a daddy would always mean Steve.

''Of course.'' He said with his motherly tone and lay down on the double bed.

''Come on mommy you need to sleep too,'' Lola said when she and Steve lay next to each other on the bed. I looked at him with the question in my eyes and saw him nod as if he understood what I was asking. So I lay down next to them, Steve on one side, Lola in the middle and me on the other side and of course my weapons on the ground. She fell asleep pretty easily and before even a quarter was over her light snore could be heard.

''What happened?'' I whispered to him because I couldn't really talk normally when she was in between the two of us.

''He took Loki's scepter and killed Jarvis. But I've got some bad news.'' It wasn't like this would destroy me but I had to stay calm for Lola because she couldn't know how much trouble only these robots already were.

''As if this wasn't bad enough already,'' I said with a sigh.

''We've got to find Ultron and destroy him before it gets worse.'' He says and I could hear it coming.

''Another mission,'' I whispered to him.

''Yes, and I don't know how long this one's going to be and who will survive.'' He confessed while I looked at Lola and wiped some hairs away from her eyes.

''Alright give me some time tomorrow and I will be there,'' I say and I can slowly feel the adrenaline leave my body and my eyes start to close. Before I know it I'm asleep with the thought of leaving her alone – yet again – to try and save the world. But in the back of my mind, there was another thought, a thought about something I had yet to tell another living soul, something that would create havoc at the least.

When I woke up in the morning I didn't exactly feel nice but I pushed away my own feelings when I sat up and saw Lola curled up on Steve's chest, both very much asleep. So with a sad smile on my face, I leave the room to take a shower and get a little bit of alone time before the party starts again. I needed to call Ang again with the bad news. I'd promised her that I wouldn't do such a thing again. Such a thing is calling her on last resort to tell I needed her to watch Lola for an unknown amount of time. This was it, this was the thing I needed to do and maybe I should seek another nanny but Ang and Lola were really attached so I couldn't really do that to Lola.

''Hey Ang,'' I said when I finally had the guts to call her.

''Hey.'' She just said probably already knowing what was coming.

''Uhm… I need a favor of you.'' Not the best way to start a conversation but it had to be done.

''Let me guess, another mission?'' she asked me.

''Yup and uh-''

''You don't know how long you'll be gone. It's alright I know what you're going to say. I'll pack my stuff meet you at your house at 9 AM.'' She said before she hung up the phone. Well, that was a relief. When I walked back into the room I found Steve awake and rubbing his eyes. Probably not out of tiredness but more out of a habit.

''I'm sorry.'' I started but he waved me off.

''It's nothing.'' He said and kissed Lola on her forehead and walked out of the room. It was going to be more difficult to tell Lola than it was to tell Ang. She was going to be devastated.

''Steve?'' she asked with sleepy eyes when she finally woke up.

''It's mommy, Steve needed to go somewhere,'' I told her when she sat up and looked me in the eye.

''What happened mommy?'' she asked because it hadn't happened in a while that she woke up here.

''There's nothing wrong but mommy's going to take you home and you're going to be with Ang for a while.'' I tried to tell her calmly. After a while, she understood that I had to be gone so many times but that didn't make it easier for me because every time my heart broke a bit more. So still in our dresses, I drove us home – of course with a parking ticket – and found Ang already standing before the door.

''Thanks for doing this,'' I said when I met her at the door.

''That's what I'm paid for she sleepily said. Ang wasn't really a morning person so she would be sleepy until night.

''I just have to get changed and pack some stuff and then I'm gone,'' I told her and before Lola's breakfast was even done I drove away from home only so it could be replaced with wherever I needed to go.

When I finally found the others withdrawn in a room with many papers the first thing I said was.

''I'm late aren't I?'' I dropped my bag and went towards Bruce who sat behind a computer and I saw something about a brand.

Almost everyone just did like they hadn't heard me coming inside. Like I was the invisible man and it wouldn't be necessary for me to be here. But this was my job and I wouldn't give it up so I just joined the rest and listened even if it didn't make any sense to me.

''I thought your father said he got the last of it.'' I heard Steve say because I had really no idea what Tony just said to him.

''I don't follow, what comes out of Wakanda?'' Bruce said while he walked towards the rest of the guys.

''The strongest metal on earth.'' And of course, Steve's shield had to be made out of that stuff.

''Where is this guy now?'' Steve asked him with one of those determined looks of his.

''African coast, do you really want to go there now?'' Tony asked Steve with one of his disgusted face's.

''We haven't even had breakfast yet.'' He said when everyone just looked at him like he went mental.

''We go,'' Steve told the rest. And so plans were made for us to dig our own graves on the African coast. Everyone suited up and Tony quickly took some breakfast with him so he could eat some on the flight but no one was really ready. We didn't really know what to expect, the twins could do more than just fight and frankly, it made me a bit scared. So when we were finally there, landed our plane and went towards where Ultron was. It wasn't very difficult to find him because a trail of anxiety had been left behind. And there he stood. Ultron, like he owned the place.

''Aah Junior, you're gonna break your old man's heart,'' Tony said when he finally landed on the ground. Ultron looked around and finally found his enemy.

''If I have to,'' Ultron responded and he and the twins walked a bit closer towards us.

''We don't have to break anything,'' Thor answered.

''Clearly, you've never made an omelet,'' Ultron said he probably tried to be funny because how would he know how to make an omelet if he was a robot. Well, he was connected to the internet so maybe through that.

''He beat me by one second,'' Tony said

''Ah this is funny Mr. Stark it's what, comfortable? Like old times.'' The male Maximoff twin said.

''This was never my life,'' Tony responded.

''You can still walk away from this,'' Steve answered.

''Oh, we will.'' The female Maximoff answered.

''I know you've suffered,'' Steve told the twins.

''Ugh! Captain America, God's righteous man, pretending you could live without a war. I can't physically throw up in my mouth but…'' Ultron said and acted like he was a king or even worse the ruler of the world.

''If you believe in peace then let us keep it,'' Thor said trying to do the right thing.

''I think you're confusing peace with quiet,'' Ultron said.

''Yuh-huh. What's the Vibranium for?'' Tony asked him.

''I'm glad you asked that because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!'' Ultron said. And so the fight began. We fought and we fought and I quickly found out that normal arrows didn't work so I switched to the bombing or electronic arrows but before I shot another arrow the Maximoff girl got me and my biggest fear came true. I watched it before my eyes it happened, it looked so real that I thought it was real. When my thoughts finally went black I was so glad to not see anything for a moment, but when I woke up Steve was dragging me towards the plane, not looking so happy himself and I could only guess what his dream had been about.

 **Please leave a review.**

 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	10. My Family

-{dream of Wanda's power}-

One moment Wanda Maximoff – aka the evil twin sister - was standing in front of me, the next the world had gone dark. Darker than when there isn't any light on in a room at night. I'm standing there in the middle of the room when the darkness disappears and there I am, standing, right in front of the Avengers. They don't look so friendly anymore. They move around me and before I know it they made a circle around me. They locked me in. Now that I could see them more clearly I could see their faces. And I finally realized that this was Avenger tower when the light went on. I was a bit flabbergasted when through that mysterious door behind them my sweet little angel came. But she wasn't alone, no there was a man without a face that had haunted me for the past couple of years, he was hugging her and laughing with her and something inside me snapped.

''You see, she isn't yours.'' The man said after they joined the circle.

''Yes she is. You never bothered to show your face ever again.'' I yelled at him while Lola just laughed at me.

''Lola sweetie come here,'' I said to her and awaited her loving arms but she didn't budge, she stood there and didn't move from her spot.

''You see Lily, we don't need you anymore, we've never needed you but we were just too nice to say no. We're far better than you can ever be.'' Steve and Tony said to me which made me sad and angry at the same time because I always trusted them for the full hundred per cent.

''I've never been your family Lily, it's always been a trick to destroy you,'' Clint said from the other side of the room. But even while I heard them my eyes were distracted by another thing that happened. There right in front of my eyes, the father of my child – which he shouldn't even have known – was stabbing into my girl's little chest with a knife far bigger than I'd ever seen.

''Why?'' I cried and kneeled down in front of her body.

''Because I don't love you, mommy.'' She said through the blood that surrounded her before her eye's closed and her heartbeat stopped.

-{ present day }-

Everybody was back. But at the same time not really. No one – except Tony and Clint – were really there with their thoughts. We were covered in sweat and dirt and shaken up.

All of these mighty heroes were for one moment in their life more than not okay. Terrified could be the word even while I really wanted to speak to someone I didn't dare interrupt the peace and quiet all of us needed.

I wasn't really paying attention to everything that was said but I didn't really care at the moment. All I wanted to know was if they would really just push me aside like all these years hadn't mattered one bit. To forget this I would need more than a bit of rest. And I just really wanted to call my little girl and ask her how she was doing. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was ''The safe house.'' And I had no idea what Clint was talking about but it had to wait until later. So when finally someone waked me up when the plane had landed I was a bit surprised to see a place that was similar to a farm. But without the animals or maybe those where hidden.

''You can walk right?'' Steve asked before I left the ship and I just nodded a solid yes because I didn't want him to be worried about me.

''So Clint what's this place?'' I asked him while I walked after the Avengers towards the cute house. He just ignored me and walked ahead into the house.

''Honey, I'm home.'' He yelled when he stepped into the living room. And out of the kitchen stepped a beautiful young lady from which I had never known about. And for god's sake, she's pregnant.

''I've company, sorry I didn't call ahead.'' He said and kissed the woman that was obviously his wife or maybe a long-term girlfriend. Actually, I was a bit pissed off and from next to me, I could hear that Tony didn't know anything about this either because he was mumbling something that wasn't so nice.

''Incoming,'' Clint said when two kids came running into the living. But when I heard the little girl say, auntie Nat, I flipped.

''Clint, a word please,'' I said and stepped aside, I tried to stay calm for the kids but in reality, I just wanted to punch into his perfect teeth.

''Why didn't you tell me? I'm your freaking niece for god's sake.'' I told him more than a bit mad.

''I know I know, but if I told you and they threatened the life of your little girl would you've given up our address?'' he said seriously and I was a bit thrown off because I hadn't seen this question coming.

''Wait so you can trust Nat, but not me?''

''She was there when Fury and I set this up.'' He said and walked away towards the rest.

''So… This is my family.'' Clint said a little awkward and stood beside his wife.

''Hi, I'm Lily, his niece,'' I said when I cooled a bit off and walked towards her, arm outstretched so as to give her a hand.

''You're Lily? I heard so much about you. My name's Laura.'' She said when she shook my hand.

''Nice to meet you Laura and I can't say the same alas because Clint here decided not to tell me about your existence. But It's nice to meet you too and I hope he has only told you nice things about me.'' I said with a blush.

''Of course.'' She said and I walked back to the other Avengers but when the little girl stepped in front of Thor it seemed like he was freaking out. A scared look on his face and before I knew it Thor was walking out of the house with Steve behind him.

''So anyone wants some food?'' His wife asked when almost all the Avengers split up.

''Yes please,'' I said when I eyed the food that was already on the table. Only me and Nat were left behind, all the men where outside doing something.

''Alright if you two can handle these two then I'm going to go upstairs for a bit.'' She said and saw Clint walk after her. I ate some and drank some and afterwards went upstairs after Nat complained to me that she could handle them on her own. I walked up the stairs looking for Clint, but what I found was an almost closed door where Clint and his wife were inside. I could hear them talking and I wanted to go downstairs but I had to do this, I couldn't back out because I needed to tell it to someone. So I stepped closer towards the door and waited until they finished but when I stood there I heard their conversation.

''If they're sleeping here, some of them are gonna have to double up.'' Clint's wife said. I shouldn't even be standing here, I should've been downstairs with the others – if I even knew where they were – that's for sure.

''haha that's not gonna sell.'' He answered while I heard him put on some comfy clothes.

''What about Lily and Steve, they're together aren't they?'' she asked innocently.

''They're not together anymore.'' He answered.

''Such a pity, they seem so cute together.'' I heard her say.

''Well everyone thinks that but we can't control love now, can we?'' he said before stealing a kiss.

''What about Nat and Dr Banner?'' she asked him.

''What about them.''

'' Come on can't you see the love flying off of them?'' she said. I tried not to listen for a while and instead listened to what was going on downstairs but that didn't really help it only made me miss Lola more. So I saw this as my cue and knocked on the door, I didn't just want to barge in.

''Hey, Clint can I steal wait what was your name again?'' I asked them after I opened the door fully.

''Laura.'' She answered.

''Right, can I steal you for a second?'' I asked her with a plea.

''Sure come in Clint was just about to go downstairs, weren't you honey?'' She said with a honey sweet tone and I couldn't help it but I missed Steve really bad when I saw the two of them interact. So with an awkward smile, I stepped into the room when Clint left and closed the door behind us.

''What's going on honey?'' she asked me like she was my mother.

''I've got something to ask you but you can't tell anyone,'' I said to her while she sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her so I would sit down next to her.

''Well I've got a problem.'' I began with a sigh.

''Not with Lola, I hope? She's welcome to stay here for a while if that's it. Do you have a picture of her?'' she told me seriously.

''Yeah always in my pocket but that's not the problem,'' I said and gave her the picture I had just made a day before I had to leave again.

''She's cute. She definitely looks like you.'' I had to blush a bit after her comment but that was not what I came here for.

''You know Natasha has always been jealous of you.'' She said out of nowhere when she gave the picture back. Natasha, jealous?

''How come?'' I said perplexed.

''You have something she can't have.'' She said with a friendly smile.

''She in love with Steve?'' I asked her. I'd always suspected but I never knew for sure.

''No of course not silly. But you have a daughter and you're in love. I can see it in your eyes. Nat has never trusted herself to fall in love but I think Dr Banner has done the trick. But she, this is actually something she should tell you but she can never have a child.'' I was more than a bit shocked that I had to hear this from the wife of my cousin. The real question was why did she tell me all this.

''Why not?''

''She's sterilized, happened a long time ago but she can tell the story better than I.''

''Not to be rude or anything but what has that to do with me?'' I asked her curiously.

''I can see that you're pregnant. A mother just knows and when you're pregnant for the third time you can spot it more easily when someone is pregnant. But I can see in your eyes that you're not sure about it.'' she said with more wisdom than a person should have.

''Alright, do you think any of the others suspect or know?'' I asked her scared that Steve would know.

''Don't think so, man don't easily spot those things. It's because they never experience it like a woman does.''

''But what should I do? cause I love Steve a lot but I don't want to push him. I want him to love me for who I am and not because I'm pregnant with his child.'' I said almost in tears.

''Tell him. It's as simple as that. Tell him and look from there on what's gonna happen.'' She said before trying to stand up.

''Come on, I'll show you to your room.'' She said before leaving the room. I followed her through the hall and she walked into a beautifully decorated room.

''Take a shower, not too long though others will need some of the hot water.'' She said before leaving to go downstairs. No one else was upstairs so I just closed the door and removed all my clothes to be met with my tiny baby bump. Until now I had been able to hide it, but with my tight suit, it would be sooner than I hoped that people would start to see the difference. When I walked into the bathroom, it felt like I was home. The cold tiles and the warm water made me think about those happy baths I'd taken over the past couple of years. So instead of taking a shower I filled the bathtub with hot water and went straight into it. the warm water relaxed my muscles and made my head clear. I had really no idea how much time had passed when the water had gone cold and I stepped out of the tub and let it deflate. With a heavy heart, I decided that what Laura had told me would probably be the best but it wasn't my worst decision until now. Drying off my body while I thought about everything that could happen. I threw the towel into the laundry basket and walked out of the bathroom only to be faced with Steve.

''Aah shit, not again,'' I yelled to no one in particular while I try to find some clothes. He turns around to find me stark naked walking through the room. It was very stupid to shout otherwise I could've already had some clothes on before he would notice me.

''What are you doing here?'' he asked perplexed when he spotted me.

''What am I doing here? What are you doing here, this is my room.'' I said when I found a clean t-shirt that I'd borrow from them.

''Your room? It's my room, Laura brought me here a few minutes ago, told me to freshen up but I was thinking about something.'' He said while he shaded his eyes and tried not to look at my now half-naked body.

''I could've known. The minx.'' I say through clenched teeth.

''She set us up. She said some of us would have to double up. Seems like she thought we were the perfect pair.'' I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that. Of course, she would've done it. she would do everything within her power to let me talk to him. By now I had found some clothes and was fully clothed but that didn't make me feel any better.

''I'll go ask her for another place to sleep,'' I said but before I could even walk a step further he took my wrist and turned you around.

''Wait… that's not necessary. We'll only stay one-night max. so for this one night, we can behave like proper grown-ups and pretend nothing happened.'' He said. His eyes were full of sorrow and his face told me something else entirely. But what made all the difference was the way he let go of my arm and walked out of the room only to be seen minutes later chopping wood yet again.

 **So like always I have a proper excuse for why I haven't uploaded a chapter in a while.**

 **School has been keeping me quite busy the past couple of months and this month I had my final exams so I had to study a lot. But now I finished them and have free from school for a few weeks before I get the results back so I'll try to upload chapters as much as humanly possible, but if life gets in the way don't get mad at me for being human.**

 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


	11. Stay Alright

-{ 2 Weeks Ago }-

''Hey Ang,'' I said after I dropped my bags and walked into the living room. Ang and Lola were making her homework and I could see that they were very concentrated but I needed to speak to someone, and that someone could better be a person that I trusted and not a kid who would tell her secret to her best friend aka Steve.

''Ang can I speak with you for a sec?'' I asked her after I gave my little girl a kiss on the head.

''Sure, Lolli you go make assignment three we'll be right back.'' She said and smiled at her before the two of us walked upstairs to get some privacy.

''what's wrong?'' Ang asked as soon as the door was closed.

''How do you know something's wrong?'' I asked her immediately.

'' I've seen this face before, it's your 'oh my god something has happened and I need advice face'.'' She said and laughed at me, even while Ang was younger than me I could always use her advice.

''Alright so something is wrong. I need your help. Help me as a friend, not your boss please.'' I told her before she sat down next to me on the bed.

''Since when haven't I helped you as a friend? Right never. You've always been a good friend to me. You gave me this job when I needed it the most.'' She said with a friendly smile.

''Yeah but that's different, this is like lightning has struck the house bad,'' I said. The panic was visible in my eyes but even a blind person could've known I was frightened because of the sound of my voice probably.

''Alright take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong.''

''I'm…. I'm shit I'm pregnant.'' I almost whisper yelled at her and from the look on her face, I knew that she had heard me alright.

''Wait, how… when… why... are there more questions I can ask?''

''Wait it's Steve's right?'' she asked hurriedly afterwards.

''Of course, it's Steve's. It's stupid I know. But I don't know what to do. I've taken a few home tests and they all tell me that I'm preggers. But really I'm afraid to go to the doctors. What if Steve finds out. The doctors will put it in my medical record and Fury will find out who will tell Steve who will get angry at me for not telling. I'm getting crazy aren't I?'' with my hands before my eyes I fell down on the bed and I just wanted to cry. Cry because this was happening and cry because of what I did. This was all my fault. I had managed to convince him to have sex. So stupid. Why hadn't I paid more attention that night? I just royally screwed this up!

''Alright calm down, I have this friend he's a doc, I can get you an appointment with him and I'll ask him not to put it in your medical records. He can be persuaded easily.'' She said with a smirk on her face.

'' You'd do that for me?'' I said through the tears that had just started to come.

''Sure, not to be rude but how far along should you be?'' she asked. I started to calculate in my head. Thinking back to that day wasn't that hard but finding the exact date a bit harder, but eventually, I knew exactly how far along I should be.

''7 weeks and 6 days,'' I said with a sigh.

-{ Present Day }-

It wasn't even long before the time came to once again pack our bags and go. It was far too fast in my opinion but who cared about what I'd say anyway. And before I knew the famous words were already spoken.

''Suit up,'' Steve said. By now I really started to hate that sentence, not only because it came at the worst possible times but also because I still had the picture of some of the man in their underwear burned in my memory from a time we didn't have the luxury to suit up in different rooms. I hadn't even had my suit on yet when I heard them talk again. The teams were already divided. Tony would go to Norway, Bruce to the tower and me, Steve, Natasha and Clint to try and get this freaking body. When I walked downstairs, suit on and mind ready I saw Clint kissing Laura and had to walk up quietly so I could give them their moment.

''Clint, could you do something for me. Please keep Lily away from combat as much as possible.''

''Why?'' he asked.

''Just trust me. Could you do that for me?'' I saw him nod and walk out of the room, so when he couldn't see me I walked down only to be faced with Laura.

''Thanks,'' I whispered and ran out of the house before they'd leave without me. Leaving these sweeties behind became a more difficult battle than I thought it would because they actually made their own special spot in my heart. So with much sorrow, I ran over the grass towards the jet.

''Alright so everyone here, there's been a change of plans.'' Fury started when we went into the air and I sat down with my backpack.

''Tony you're going to Norway. Steve, Natasha, and Clint, you're getting that body and Bruce and Lily you're going to the tower. All get ready for the flight.'' Fury said and I sat down next to Bruce to become the stay at home buddies.

''Just a question why am I being sent home with Bruce? A minute ago I was scheduled to go with Clint.'' I asked.

''No objecting just go with it,'' Clint said from the other side of the jet.

''Alright,'' I grumbled, of course, I knew why. Laura had put him up to this but he didn't even know why he was doing it. if he only knew he would've kicked me out of this plane before it even flew off the ground. The world can get so weird sometimes.

''Hey Bruce, why are you going to the tower?'' I asked him before he could put on his headphone and shut himself off of the world.

''Too dangerous.'' He just said before the headphones got on.

''So, does somebody know where Thor went?'' I asked the question that had been burning on my thong for a while now. He just went and never said what or where he went or at least I didn't know.

''Not sure,'' Natasha said and looked at me with jealousy in her eyes. It felt like everybody was against me today. Would Nat really think I was interested in Bruce? Of course, he is a very interesting and beautiful man but the two of us were better off as friends anyway. And Nat…. she should've just told Bruce a long time ago. What was wrong in the world of the Avengers, it felt like there was no place for love in it. One after another were getting off the plane, after a few hours it was just me, Bruce and Fury and I didn't even try to start a conversation anymore, but instead I started to have imaginary conversations that would probably never happen but still, it was more interesting than staring at the ceiling.

''Next stop Avenger Tower.'' Fury yelled so I picked up my backpack and eventually walked out of the jet to be met with the tower that I left not so long ago. It was still dark so that meant not many hours had passed since we left Clint's place.

''So anything interesting you're going to do?'' I asked him while I walked behind him into the lab. I had spent some hours in here but most where just to talk to him and to make sure Bruce - and sometimes Tony - would eat and eventually sleep.

''Not really, we'll need to wait until they come back with hopefully a body or maybe something more interesting.'' He said when he put his stuff down on the ground and so the waiting began. We waited and waited and waited and all the while we had no idea what was going on. But we kept each other company and that was far better than being here on our own. But even if he had been here on his own he'd probably found something to do.

''How's Lola doing?'' he asked after we got the message that they would be coming back, because now we finally knew they'd be coming back, with a body!

''Great, it's just I miss her… so much.'' The sadness covered my face and for a moment I just wanted to pick up that telephone and call her. But I knew it was far too late for that. She'd be fast asleep by now.

''Hey, it's gonna be alright you'll be back with her before you know it,'' he said with a smile. When he was smiling I really did understand why Nat was falling for him. When he was happy he was one of the most attractive men on earth but even while I wanted to move on from Steve I just couldn't. History had proved that it was impossible for me to live without him, but at the same time it didn't always turn out the way I wanted to when we were together.

''Clint!'' I yelled when I saw him coming in with Fury on his heels and the casket.

''Where's Nat?'' I asked him as soon as he was in the room and Fury went away.

''She didn't make it, she's probably captured by Ultron.'' He said. Tony mentioned something about old school spy stuff and I helped Clint search for a sign of Natasha still being alive. But then came the part that made me walk back upstairs towards Tony and Bruce for what they said would be insane.

''You'd want to put Jarvis inside?'' I yelled even while I stood behind them. I was pissed off how could Tony even suggest such a thing. That body contained so much Ultron already that it would just be crazy dangerous to even try.

''You mad? Bruce, please tell me you're not doing this.'' I said more than a bit hopeless. I was surrounded by man with too much testosterone -, one wasn't even paying attention to what was happening above his head and the other two were mad scientists. But Bruce should've known better than to agree with Tony. Bruce didn't even answer but just looked at me as to say, I'm going to do this don't interfere.

''Ugh, you're mad you know that, if Cap finds out he's gonna be more pissed out than I am already.'' I tried to threaten them but that didn't really work out so I'd just have to wait. Maybe it would even be too late by then so I just hoped nothing bad would happen. It wasn't long after when I heard the voice of Steve, he stood just behind me but when I turned around I saw the Maximoff twins standing behind him. They scared the heck out of me. Why the heck were they here?

''I'm gonna say this once.''

''How about nonce,'' Tony answered and just went further with his new project.

''Shut it down.''

''Nope. Not gonna happen.'' Tony answered him again.

''You don't know what you're doing,'' Steve said and I could hear that he knew more than he was telling.

''And you do? She's not in your head?'' Bruce asked him but at that moment it wasn't really Bruce standing there, he looked like a fake, a replacement that Tony created.

''I know you're angry.'' She said and because of her accent, it felt so much weirder that she stood there.

''Oh we're way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.'' Bruce replied.

''Banner after everything after that's happene-'' But Tony didn't even let Steve finish his sentence but what he said I had no idea because I was too busy watching the male Maximoff, he went way to fast for me to see everything he did but in the end he detached all the cables from the casket.

''No, no go on. You're saying?'' he said and was really calm until a bullet flew towards him and the glass beneath him broke. I never thought Clint would've taken the side of Tony but he just did. The room transformed into a hell with one side fighting the other. Steve threw his shield against the computers in which Tony, of course, had to take action and shoot. But while he had wanted to hit Steve, it hit me and I was thrown on the cold hard ground. Tony never blinked an eye and just shoot at Steve again this time succeeding and he fell on the ground next to me but he just stood up again and started a fight. I really really wanted to stand up but was afraid to. The pain shot through my stomach and it felt like something bad had happened. So I stayed there on my hands and knees and tried to ignore the pain but that was very difficult with the others fighting around me.

''Guys stop,'' I said through clenched teeth. But they wouldn't or couldn't hear me, probably the first because I knew how stubborn they were.

''STOP IT!'' I screamed as best I could, but at that moment Thor came storming into the room and jumped on the casket. I could hear someone yell at him when he called the thunder to his hammer and the white light spread through the room. The casket was fully powered and out came the body that should've been Ultron's. I could've cut the silence with a knife because no one dared to say something when the body attacked Thor and it looked like the fight was starting again but then out of nowhere the body flew back and seemed actually nice. The Maximoff girl or Wanda as she was actually called turned around to see me still lying on the ground. She walked towards me and I actually got a bit afraid because of the things that she'd done to me, but if Steve trusted her enough to bring her here I should have no problem with her.

''What are you still doing here?'' she whispered but because of her accent, it was difficult to hear.

''I need your help,'' I whispered back. She nodded and picked me up and helped me stand straight. With her help, I walked towards the rest of the Avengers and kept one arm around her and the other around my middle. It was weird how I could trust her so easily after what she'd done, but right now I didn't care about that, I just wanted to know if my… our baby was alright.

 **Just because I have been working on a few chapters for the past couple of hours and it has been a long while since I updated.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **XXX FredAndGeorgeForever**


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